02.27.06

Seeking “Repair”?

Posted in Emotional Health, Ex-gay, General at 10:22 am by AnJ

Are you seeking to “repair” yourself?

Check out the profile of potential reparative therapy seekers… They look like a bunch of self-hating, guilt-striken and confused lot- is that you?

PROFILE:

A. Intrinsic religious orientation

Your religion is the centre of your life and your religion condemns homosexuality.

Major reasons surrounding religion for seeking reparative therapy includes:
1. Religious guilt *thanks to preachers who are prigs*
2. Rejection by the church community *You don’t need people who don’t love you as you are.*
3. Fear of eternal condemnation *roll eyes*

B. Lack of quest orientation

“Quest” is the search for ‘truth’. People with this quality keep seeking answers to contradictions raised by what they see. They are open to uncertainty and doubt. So, if you accept the interpretations that your organization as the ultimate truth… and you do not like to bother about resolving contradictions… chances are you will seek “repair”.

C. Low levels of identity development

This consists of both self-identity formation and group-membership identity formation. Self-identity formation is “coming out to yourself” as we know it. And group membership formation is feeling a sense of belonging to the gay community- people who label themselves “lesbian” and “gay”.

This consists of both self-identity formation and group-membership identity formation. Self-identity formation is “coming out to yourself” as we know it. And group membership formation is feeling a sense of belonging to the gay community- people who label themselves “lesbian” and “gay”.Those who are in the early stages of identity developement may experience intense feelings, such as confusion, anger and guilt, which arose from a homophobic society. They are most likely to seek reparative therapy whereas gay people who are in the later stages of identity development do not seek reparative therapy.

D. Internalized homonegativity

Higher levels of internalized homonegativity is correlated with lower levels of identity development. Such gay people tend to view gay culture negatively i.e. believing homophobic media messages. In fact, internalized homonegativity is the main reason why homosexuals seek reparative/conversion therapy.

Higher levels of internalized homonegativity is correlated with lower levels of identity development. Such gay people tend to view gay culture negatively i.e. believing homophobic media messages. In fact, internalized homonegativity is the main reason why homosexuals seek reparative/conversion therapy.

And here is the most interesting bit: Those who are homophobic (straight people who discriminate against homosexuals) have the exact SAME profile on the above characteristics. They are also low on identity development. For someone who has a mature development, he/she would be respectful of orientation-differences. Coz it entails not just acceptance, but understanding.

• About: Mier enjoys busking in the sunshine of love~
• Forum discussion: Identity
• technorati: Reparative therapy, homosexuality

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02.25.06

Integrated Queeresorts

Posted in Humour, LGBT Rights at 9:37 pm by pleinelune

What would happen if our beloved government one day decided to legalise gay marriage? Pleinelune, the resident satirist, takes a hike through her imagination.

In 20 years, we would have exhausted every hub possibility we can think of: life science lah, tourism lah, arts lah… we are losing our edge! There is nothing we are “superior” to other countries in! Our economy is in grave danger!

Then, someone would suggest that we legalise gay marriage. We can be the new gay Hub in Asia! Which would bring in lots of money in tourism, as clearly, gay people are rich brats rolling around in money, just waiting to blow it on their wedding.

Which would of course, cause a huge hue and cry. There would be a heated parliamentary debate about this. The liberals would keep stressing how much money we would gain, how many jobs it would create… and the conservatives would respond with how gay marriages are going to destabilise society and bring in “undesirable” elements. It would cause an erosion of morals!

Then the debate embroils the whole country. People are discussing it everywhere: online discussion boards, schools, at the water-coolers… it is a hot topic! Stickers would be created which go “Gay? No!”. The country is essentially divided on the issue.

Then, just at the convenient time, a scandal would erupt, concerning someone on the death row, diverting everyone’s attention, during which, the final proposals for legalising gay marriage would be submitted to the parliament. After taking a not-so-random poll, the government would declare that majority of the country is okay with it, and having considered the benefits, it was going to go ahead and build not one, but TWO Registries of Marriage exclusively for gay people, complete with saunas, pubs and clubs. They would not be called gay marriage bureaus, but Integrated Queeresorts.

Over the next few months, several articles would appear in the newspaper about how much benefit the Integrated Queeresorts (IQ) would be to the economy. Then the government would announce several “preventive measures” to stop ordinary citizens from falling prey to the evils of gay marriage. For example, queer citizens would have to pay $100 extra for the services provided at the IQ. Also, people would be advised to report their relatives to the IQ, if they suspect that they are addicted to homosexuality, so that the IQ can refuse them entry. “Inspiring” articles would appear in the newspaper about people who recovered from their addiction to homosexuality. The IQ is for rich ang mohs: ordinary citizens better get married to a person of the opposite sex.

And don’t forget, make exactly 2.1 babies.

• About: Pleinelune is someone who cannot stand hypocricy, especially from those in authority.
• Forum discussion: LGBT Rights
• technorati: queer, gay marriage

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02.23.06

Neither here nor there

Posted in Inter-sexuality, Transsexuality at 9:13 pm by sheilarajamanikam

I am often faced with this question from my girlfriends: Am I straight because I am with you? One was even a medical student.

I am not sure what to answer. I have curves that rival most women but I feel strange saying that I am 100% woman.

I have ovaries, but no womb: so no kids for me. I am not complaining. But how do you explain to girlfriend that you have fleeting feelings about your phantom body parts, cut off before you were even aware of its existence?

“Easier for the doctors to make a hole than to make a pole”. That’s what I was told.

In the Indian culture , someone like me is respected and honored because it is said that, my words, whether curses or blessings, being from someone straddling both genders, will come true. But, that is fear, not understanding.

I am not angry. I am just tired. Tired of being used to all this stuff happening, just because I understand how others don’t understand. I wish people around me could accept both parts of me: in a shaved head, packing, male looking body as well as a sari clad jewellery wearing one.

I am both and neither. Neither here, nor there.
I am not whining. Just hoping that my words will make you think, wonder and try to gain the answers.

• About: Sheila is someone who has been on both sides of the gender fence, and lived to tell the tale to others who hesitate at the border.
• Forum discussion: Minority Groups
• technorati: queer, intersex, transexual

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02.21.06

Coming out earnestly - Part 2

Posted in General at 2:10 pm by lublub

It’s a wonderful feeling, you know? 

That I can wake up every morning and look myself in the mirror, without fear, without questioning, without wondering if the person I see is the person I really am. Yes, I am a lesbian. And somehow, that word does not scare me anymore. Once you take the first step of self-acceptance, everything else will come in time. It’s as though a veil has been lifted from your eyes and for the first time, you are truly ‘seeing’ and understanding all that has been going on in your head. 

How many people can actually say that they have done some soul-searching? And at such a young age. Are they forced to do it, like how queer people are, by our homophobic circumstances? The day I looked within the depths of myself, and questioned everything that society and mainstream religion argued for… the day I questioned the norms, types of accepted behaviour and everything else in between, was the day I found liberation, and more importantly… I learned how to think for myself. 

I am no more a conforming product of society. I am who I choose to be.
Read the rest of this entry »

• About: Lublub is a full-time lesbian who is almost out to everyone including her boss at her temp job (but that's because he is gay too)
• Forum discussion: Coming Out
• technorati: lesbian, queer, coming out, identity

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02.17.06

Coming out earnestly - Part 1

Posted in Coming out, General, Identity at 10:49 pm by lublub

Girls are beautiful creatures.
 
I have always thought so. The seniors at school were really pretty. So were the models in magazines and the teenage starlets on TV. I loved looking at their pictures, and I would spend countless hours on the computer looking at my pretty celebrity crushes. And at school, I would look at my seniors with a certain longing. My eyes followed their every beautiful and breathtaking movement. Sometimes, I looked at my own friends too with that same desire.

But my school seemed quite homophobic, extremely so in Primary school. In Secondary school, it was something that you could just feel in the air. I never told anybody about my girl crushes, because I was scared that I would be alienated. I wanted to fit in. I remember clearly that I sometimes prayed fervently to God at night, “Please make me straight! I don’t want to be crooked! Please God, take away these feelings I have.” 

I tried to suppress myself, tried not to think of girls. And I always felt guilty when my gaze lingered too long on an attractive woman on TV or in magazines. I tried my best not to stare at the pretty girls in school, and the topic of homosexuality always made me tense and afraid. You couldn’t imagine the amount of self-loathing and self-hate I had when I had bad thoughts about girls. Do you know how much I feared the word “lesbian”? And when people said it, I felt as though a limelight was shining down on me and all the world was glaring at yours truly, even though I never identified myself as “a lesbian”.

Sucked in and influenced by all the anti-gay attitudes around me; I even made many anti-gay comments together with others. I was homophobic myself.
Read the rest of this entry »

• About: Lublub is a full-time lesbian who is almost out to everyone including her boss at her temp job (but that's because he is gay too)
• Forum discussion: Coming Out
• technorati: lesbian, queer, coming out, identity

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02.16.06

We are in this… Together

Posted in General, LGBT Rights, Relationships at 3:04 pm by AnJ

After reading Thio Su Mien’s article on TODAY, i experienced a waterfall of emotions.

I was aghasted at how people can manipulate research and present it according to their agenda. Without consideration of what the general field is saying. To lie when they have to. To speculate and put forth their conjectures as ultimate truth.

I realized also… that TODAY does not check the veracity of her statements. And how can i blame them? They are not psychologists. And the rest of the world is as ignorant of the discipline.

I grieved for the general public. For the majority, they exchange a few coins for the papers. Many of them believe the information they receive wholeheartedly. There is a stereotype that if you know what’s happening in the news, you are “educated” and therefore “higher-class” so to speak. And so they devour the news vociferously. If only they know the forces behind publication. That the news they have in their hands are published, and sometimes exaggerated, if it serves, or is non-threatening, to government interest. And much information that seems to undermine their ideal society is witheld. No matter how scientific, how rooted in empirical evidence it is.

In the midst of all these… i was somewhat overwhelmed. Anti-gay activists are supported by the government. I believe that anyone can have their own opinion. But facts are facts- they are either there or they are not; they cannot be changed.

But… so what if facts are facts? Facts can be twisted; people can lie… as i saw all too well in the Thio Su Mien’s article. It seems such an impossible task! It was rather discouraging… and i was at the moment… grieved and resigned…

Then all of a sudden, it struck me… I AM NOT IN THIS ALONE.

All my fellow queer brothers, sisters and those in between… who are all over the world… who are fighting for rights. Who are fighting against stereotypes by their mere existence… we are all in it together. And we are indeed making progress!

Yes, they can try all ways and means to twist facts… to brainwash the public with half-truths… to stir up public fears with lies… to encourage unjustifiable stereotypes.

But… even if they kill me today, there are some things they cannot do…:

They cannot stop me from having loved my mother, my father, my sister and my good friends.
They cannot stop me from having been kind to animals, having empathy for the marginalized, reaching out in love to those who need it. 
They cannot take away the education in me- the critical thinking that professors have instilled in me all these years; the knowledge that i was given; the willingness to explore out of the box, to question status quo.
They cannot stop me from having had my ambitions of further improvement for myself, for my family, for society.
They cannot take away this essence of me… that defines me as a person.

By my everyday living, i am refuting the theories that these anti-gay activists are making futile attempts to reinforce. People around me who interact with me knows me… this is the real me. I am not some artifact of the negative gay stereotype. I am a human-being who lives in your normal everyday, who face the same daily events that any other person does. And people talk… information is passed on like the ripple effect.

Things are in progress. As individuals, let’s not lose heart. We are in this together.

• About: Mier, whose strength is in the Lord; whose future is held in His hands.
• Forum discussion: Local LGBT news
• technorati: Homosexuality, media bias

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02.15.06

The turmoil within…

Posted in General, LUSH, Support Groups at 12:14 pm by jin

Last Thursday I failed again in my ongoing mission to come out to my aunt and uncle. I have been wanting to take that step, to share with them about myself but have been too chicken. I am scared. Scared of their reaction, scared of the turmoil that might follow.

(I am only out to 3 family members, but coming out to this aunt and uncle represents a big step because I am closest to them; my uncle was my legal guardian after my mother passed away, and they continue to look out for, and care for, my sister and me.)

Last Thursday seemed like a better time than most. (And I’ve been told that there will NEVER be a “good” time to come out to family.) It seemed like a good time because 1) we hadn’t planned on meeting them but my sister sms’d me in the day and asked if I would be free to have dinner at their house. So it seemed like I was being presented with The Opportunity to meet with them and talk to them, just when I’d been thinking about it. And 2) They seemed to be in a good mood. Light-hearted and friendly. And 3) I was all psyched up after talking to Sandy and Janet, this lesbian couple from California; Sandy’s a pastor, and Janet is a missionary, and they came to visit our church and spend some time with us the week before last. And the main message that spoke to me the most was the fact that we are not here on earth to please other people. We are accountable only to our Heavenly Father. And what’s more, She has a great plan for us. And the fact that She created us Special, as LGBT people, means she wants to use us for Extraordinary things.

There are other Very Good Reasons why I shouldn’t make an issue out of coming out to them. Like the fact that I am an adult; I don’t depend on them for a place to stay; they can’t disown me (not being my parents in the first place); and I am doing nothing wrong by being gay.

But somehow, something always stops me from blurting out the words. I can’t seem to gather the courage. I tell myself that there is no reason to change the way things are right now. I anticipate that they will think less of me. Somehow my resolve falters, and I change my mind, and think “Maybe there will be a better time to tell them…”

When LUSH first started, I thought to myself, “But I don’t think that being gay is a sin. So that means that I am not conflicted. So I won’t have anything in common with the other girls in the group who DO think that it is a sin to be gay.”

But as I thought about it more, I realized that “being conflicted” doesn’t simply mean thinking that being gay is a sin. I realized that my eternal struggle to proudly come out to my family is a reflection that I am also conflicted in a sense.

And this is one of my struggles. I continually search myself. Do I really claim that “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Phil 4:13)?Psalm 139:13-16 says “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

And yet, the turmoil within me churns on…