11.21.06

Women who hate women who love women

Posted in Coming Out at 11:56 am by AnJ

When i was still in my undergraduate years, i had a good friend who doted upon me like a sister. She told me all she needed was a degree -never matter the grades- and she would get married and be a “tai-tai”. (A tai-tai is the wife of a rich man. A tai-tai does not need to work.) This same friend of mine later told me that in any leadership committee, it is best that girls do not take up more than half of the seats. Because women, in her experience, were incompetent. And woe to any club who has a lady-chairperson!- she exclaimed. *DOTS*

Women who put down groups of other women have always intrigued me.
You would think that being women, they would understand how things are like for women. They would see the stereotypes in place and how women still have some way to go in terms of equality.

But no… There is a surprisingly number of women out there who take in everything they have been told, without critical evaluation.

Women who endorse the following statements:
“A woman should not expect to go to exactly the same places or to have the same freedom of action as men.”
“Women  are unable to hold positions of power because they are overly emotional and illogical, desiring to gain too much control over men.”
“Men are less likely to fall apart in emergencies than women are.”
“Men and women have qualities that complement one another.”
“Lesbians endanger the institution of the family.”
“Lesbians tend to dress in opposite-sex clothing.” 

In a study that was done on first and second year female students (note: these are tertiary-educated folks), it was found that those who endorse anti-lesbian attitudes also tend to have traditional perspectives on the role of women e.g. domestic roles. They also believe that men and women have differing roles in support of patriarchy.

And it makes me wonder why is it that the same attitudes that accompany non-progress for women (i think this is an understatement. I think such attitudes take us a few steps back!) also stand together with anti-lesbian attitudes.
 
While we cannot say with 100% confidence what the cause is, there are some things we can say about it:
1. Education (not specific to gender issues) does not guarantee that a woman would develop critical thinking and challenge what she sees as inconsistent.
2. Norms are so pervasive that it affects women independently of religion, race and socio-economic status.

So what can we do?
In my opinion, i think it takes up minimal energy to challenge amicably any warped notions that your lady friends might bring up. You know… mild questioning.

Take this exchange for instance:
Friend: “Nah, women are just bad at mathematics. This is scientifically proven by so many studies.”
You: “There are other factors involved like expectations of oneself and ingrained perceptions of the self. This is also scientifically supported by the way, that women do equally well at mathematics tests when these stereotypes are stripped away. Besides, one of my lady friends is a mathematics whiz.”

Women who hate women who love women…
Women who love women need not be lesbians. They are also made up of those who believe in the potential of women and are supportive towards their progress.
[After all, lesbianism is not the same as believing in equality for women. They are two mutually exclusive concepts. We all know of lesbians who believe in being docile, subservient creatures, don't we?]
So, are you a woman who really love women?

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