12.30.06
Posted in Queer News, Singapore Gay News at 12:57 pm by snorkeem
Finally the long awaited launch of SAFE (Supporting, Affirming and Empowering our LGBTQ friends and family) on 9th December 2006, at PPC’s Community Fair in Mox Bar. We went, we celebrated the new birth of courage and hope, this time round for those dear to our hearts. Our friends and family.
With SAFE’s mission to
form a network of support, affirmation and empowerment for families and friends of LGBTQ persons by providing information and resources and encouraging dialogue that promotes respect for human diversity and the well-being of all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning persons,
this will be another important milestone in our community.
Do check out their website and pass the message around.
www.safesingapore.blogspot.com
tags:
friends,
gay,
gay rights,
glbt,
lesbian,
parents,
pflag,
queer,
safe singapore,
singapore,
support,
transgender,
lgbt
- Forum discussion: LGBT News
- technorati: lgbt, glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, transgender, support, gay rights, safe singapore, singapore, friends, parents, pflag
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12.28.06
Posted in Coming out, Emotional Health, Entertainment, General at 11:27 am by lublub
Is it just me? Or are there hordes of gay couples watching X-Men at the cinemas today?
Months ago, I was at the movies with a whole clique of gay male friends and we were there for the sneak preview of the third X-Men installment. After we came out of the cinemas, one of our friends had to use the boy’s room. Following standard protocol, we waited in a small circle at the cinema entrance for him to rejoin the group. And as we waited and created a traffic obstruction, people streamed out like a river flow to our left and right. If there’s one skill I’ve learnt after hanging around gay men so often, is that your propensity for identifying gay men just skyrockets. And there… to my left and right, were gay men in all their ‘NUM’/tanned/muscled glory. There were groups of three to four men-only cliques, and ‘couples’ of men walking together. It seemed that there were more gay people than straight people watching X-men.
Am I dreaming or am I dreaming?
Which makes me wonder, ‘why is it so often said that gay people identify with superhero movies?’ Especially the latest X-Men movie? What is it about the storyline or theme that draws us to such shows, even though they are not explicitly homosexual?
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- About: Lublub is a budding superhero, and her specialty is to turn into jelly at the sight of beautiful women.
- Forum discussion: Thing to muse about
- technorati: Entertainment, identity, coming out, queer, lesbian, bisexual, gay
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12.25.06
Posted in Entertainment, Minority at 12:25 am by pleinelune
Warning: Movie spoilers ahead
Last night, I went to watch Water1 with my family. Water, for those who do not know it, is the latest edition of Deepa Mehta’s elemental trilogy, which opened with a bang 9-10 years ago, in the form of the explosive film known as Fire.
Ah yes, Fire. Rings a bell, does it not? The controversial lesbian film which caused a fair bit of damage to theatres in India when it first opened. The story is about two sisters-in-law in a typical Indian household who fall in love, and the consequent problems. It was consequently banned in India [and might I add, Singapore too], while it went on to garner awards in international film festivals.
After Fire made its own, pardon the pun, firestorm in India, it was 9 years before someone broached the topic again, the hideous creation known as Girlfriend not withstanding. This time, it touched me a lot closer to the heart: a wonderful woman known as Ligi Pulapally made a lesbian film in my language[Malayalam]: The Journey, or Sancharam, released in 2005. The story is about two rural girls who grow up together as best friends, and wouldn’t you know it, fall in love.
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- About: The normally iron-cast Pleinelune is a weepy little sensitive girl when it comes to films
- Forum discussion: Entertainment
- technorati: queer, gay, lesbian, asian, brokeback, fire, indian, movies, journey
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12.22.06
Posted in Chinese, Coming out at 11:40 am by mint
爸、妈：
我在5岁时，跟同学打架，你们原谅我。10岁时，我不小心弄死了家里的狗，你们原谅我。16岁时，没有进入理想的初级学院，你们原谅我。我知道我不是100分，可是，你们说我是四个孩子当中最乖的，最懂事的。21岁那年，我说我喜欢女孩子，你们哑口无言。一个星期后，你们说这是不对的。
什么是“不对”？哥哥交上损友从此烟不离手，你们接受了。姐姐夜夜笙歌结果未婚先孕，你们接受了。弟弟不是读书的料小学没毕业，你们接受了。为什么我喜欢女孩子，你们却不能接受？
爸，你说我没有跟女孩子发生过关系，不能就这样下定论。当年，你是否跟妈发生了关系才确定你喜欢女人？妈，你说同性恋不能得到法律的认同，没有一纸婚约，感情一定不稳定。三年前，我们一家人到婚姻注册局见证表哥和表嫂签下结婚证书。上个礼拜，阿姨在电话上跟你哭诉表哥和表嫂在办离婚手续。
今天，是我的生日。我希望你们能接受我，喜欢女孩子的我。我希望有一天你们能放开胸怀接受我的女朋友，我希望有一天我能牵着她的手带她回家吃饭，这是一种承认。然后，有一天你们允许我牵着她的手参加家庭聚会，并把她介绍给阿姨和舅舅们，这是一种公开。永远爱你们的女儿
A letter to my parents
Daddy, Mummy:
When i was five, i had a skirmish with my classmates… you forgave me. When i was ten, i killed our neighbour’s dog by fluke… you forgave me. At sixteen, i did not enter into the ideal junior college of your choice… you forgave me. I know i’m not perfect, but you said i am the most obedient and understanding among your four children.
At age 21, i told you i like women. You were speechless. One week later, you said this is not right.
What is not right?
My older brother went into bad company and acquired smoking. You accepted it. My older sister was pregnant before marriage. You accepted it. My younger brother was not of academic caliber and failed to graduate from primary school. You accepted it.
Why is it that you cannot accept my lesbianism?
Daddy, you said i cannot make such a conclusion because i have not had sexual relations with a woman. Years ago, did you sleep with mummy to ascertain your heterosexuality?
Mummy, you said homosexuality is not legally acceptable. Without legal recognition of same-sex marriages, the relationship would be unstable.
Three years ago, the entire family witnessed the marriage of Cousin and his wife. Last week, Auntie is lamenting the divorce procedures they are undergoing over the phone.
Today… it’s my birthday.
I hope you can accept me, this me who loves women. I hope that one day, you will accept my loved one with wide-opened arms. I hope i can hold her hand and take her home for a meal.
This is a form of acceptance.
Then… one day, you will allow me to hold her hand as i bring her to family gatherings; to introduce her to my aunties and uncles…
This is a form of declaration.
Your daughter, who always love you.
- About: Mint salutes all parents who accept their gay kid and are still proud of them.
- Forum discussion: Coming Out
- technorati: Family, gay, lesbian, acceptance, coming out
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12.18.06
Posted in Lesbian Scene, Queer News at 10:12 am by Kelly
Here at Sayoni, we are not just about emotive stories, sociological observations, philosophical musings and political arguments. We do get out.
For the queer woman in Singapore, there are not a lot of options in the night scene - mainly small, rather dated pubs. Self-expression is limited at mainstream clubs catering to heterosexuals and I hear the butch-looking have been refused entry at their doors too. Our only respite in this desert is the occasional queer women’s parties at larger venues.
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- Forum discussion: Events
- technorati: singapore, zouk, herstory, lesbian, queer, party, clubbing, nightlife
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12.15.06
Posted in Feminism at 12:23 pm by Guest Writers
This is a guest-post by Loverbunny, from The Lesbian Lifestyle
When I was a kid I always thought feminists and lesbians were the same. When I discovered my own sexuality and finally, at 15, began the grueling process of coming out, I realized how wrong I was as a kid. To gain a little more perspective on the subject, I did search the net for some resources. I took a women’s studies course about a year ago and loved every minute of it. When I was younger I assumed that all women in women’s studies courses were lesbians and all girls who went to all girl’s schools were lesbians as well. I was SO wrong. My freshman year of college, I only met ONE lesbian from the all girl’s school across town from my school. And in my women’s studies class, I was the only lesbian.
When I did the internet search, I found a page on Lesbian Feminism at Wikipedia. I got a hit for “Lesbian Feminism.” Here are the 7 key themes of lesbian feminism as defined by Sheila Jeffreys.
1. An emphasis on women’s love for one another.
2. Seperatist organizations.
3. Community and ideas.
4. Idea that lesbianism is about choice and resistance.
5. Idea that the personal is the political.
6. A rejection of heirarchy in the form of role-playing and sado-masochism.
7. A critique of male supremacy which eroticises inequality.
While a few of those are great like numbers 1 and 3…there is a big problem with others, especially number 4. In this view, homosexuality is a choice or conscious response to man-made organizations. I completely disagree. While some girls may choose it because it’s in the media and it’s “cool” to be bi…I can’t understand why someone would consider sexuality a choice. My sisters did not choose to be straight. They just are. I did not choose to be a lesbian. I just am. Why would I choose such a hard path in life if I could just choose to love men instead?
I see feminism as a movement that seeks to create equality between genders, stop sexual discrimination, sexual harassment, and discrimination based on sex. I also can see a problem with gender-roles. As children we are socialized to fit into one specfic role, either man or woman. Even in lesbian relationships people ask, “Who is the man?” Why does someone have to be the man? When we were little, I played army and Power Rangers with my brother and he played house and barbies with me. I played baseball and football with the boys, but I also did ballet, tap, and jazz until I was 11. In my last relationship (we just broke up), I dressed more like a boi, but she drove everywhere, she paid most times, and she was the more dominant person. In bed though, I was more dominant. I considered us equal partners.
So it isn’t that lesbians and feminists are worlds apart. More often than not, we have the same goals. But there is a distinct line between the two groups. A lot of feminists would not agree with gender roles in lesbian relationships, or one of the women dressing more masculine and acting more masculine. While it isn’t the social gender role the butch lesbian fell into, she still is conforming to a gender role.
I have a hat that I like to wear that says “I <3 Bikinis.” I think it’s funny. Plus, I get some weird looks when I wear it. I love it. I love that it defies social norms and upsets people. One person it upsets is my middle sister. She says the hat “objectifies women.” Yeah, it does. But men wear hats and even shirts like that with little or no objection from the general public. Some would say that by wearing that hat, I am rejecting feminism. Maybe I am. So what? Other ways I defy feminism are: shaving my legs and wearing a bra. Not all feminists refuse to shave or wear bras. But those two things are classic examples of oppression by men. A man invented the bra. We shave our legs to be attractive, most of the time, to men. I, however, do not. I don’t like body hair at all–on anyone. That is why I shave, to be more comfortable in my own body. Is that unfeminist of me?
90% of the time I completely defy social norms and pre-set gender roles. When I have children, I will not force my son to play with boy toys if he wants a doll. I won’t force my daughter to be a princess for halloween if she wants to be Batman. I want a son named Shannon and a daughter named James. I completely respect the feminist movement. I respect activist lesbians. I, however, am content just to be me. I don’t have to go out and fight for legal abortion, birth control, sexual harassment, sexual discrimination, or many of the other feminist causes. I do have strong opinions on all of those issues, as well as strong opinions on lesbian issues like gay marriage/civil unions, adoption, sexual orientation based discrimination, and the general lack of education about gay/lesbian issues.
I don’t think that marriage should be defined by the government. I don’t believe that it should only be reserved for heterosexual couples. Marriage is about love, not gender. Love is the same between two women as it is between a man and a woman. I don’t think that there should be a glass ceiling in some industries to stop women from advancing. I don’t believe that some fields are more suited for men. A woman can do anything a man can. We are all created equal. No man, or woman, has the right to tell me who I can or cannot love, whether or not I can get an abortion if I want, whether or not birth control is available to me, how I should dress, act, or think. So yes, most of the time lesbian issues and feminist issues go hand in hand. But both movements are completely seperate.
- Forum discussion: Feminism
- technorati: queer, lesbian, feminism, women
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12.12.06
Posted in Ex-gay, Queer News at 6:22 pm by lublub
I guess everyone would have heard of the Ted Haggard scandal by now. If you haven’t, here is a brief summary of what happened: One of America’s most influential evangelist, Pastor Ted Haggard, who heads a ten-thousand strong church and is a fierce opponent against gay marriage, has been exposed as living a double life as a gay person. Apparently, he had employed the services of a call boy over an extended period of time. When the call boy saw Ted on TV opposing homosexuality and gay marriage, he decided to spill the beans on Ted to the media. Enraged by Ted’s hypocrisy, the call boy decided to break the code of silence and bring the truth to light.
I guess in a surreal way, this is a fantasy come true. Let me explain why….
For many of us, we have been attacked by religious people at some point of our lives with regards to sexuality. And it hurts. Badly. These emotional wounds that will heal over time (forgiven but not forgotten); leave an unmistakable scar on our psyches. And there is nothing that triggers past pains more strongly than an old scar being digged at. I should know, after all, the strongest homophobia I encountered was from fellow Christian friends when I came out. And it hurt me really badly because I was at that point of my life when I was vulnerable and needed support, not condemnation.
There were some hurtful things said. For example, I was likened to ‘an animal’. Worse, it came from a friend who identified as ‘ex-gay’. And it cut me so badly I cried buckets, at home, in school. To others. It also developed in me a deep hatred (at that point of time) for religious homophobia. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than those moments.
I’ve always believed in the ideas of fairness and equality, and would imagine days of vengeance and revenge on these religious homophobes. ‘What they did to me, one day, they will get in return’, that was what I envisioned in those dark days. I would imagine, how those who call themselves ‘ex-gay’ or ‘reformed’, those who promote the idea of sexuality change, would one day fall on their own swords. And eat their words because they will be proven wrong. Because I believed that suppressing one’s desires is unnatural and will one day lead to an internal implosion inside the person. In my head, all those ex-gays were wrong and one day they would know and I would bear witness to it. And I will be happy for I will be vindicated.
Well, those events happened 2 years ago. And 2 years hence, came the Ted Haggard saga and the seeming fruition of my fantasies. One of the biggest personifications of religious homophobia has befallen, because of himself. Just as I had envisioned and wished for. My proof has come.
But am I happy?
Do I gloat? I’ve had my wish. But it doesn’t satisfy. No. Instead, I feel empty and pity. Pity for those who build a trap for themselves. Pity for those caught up in the system, unaware of circumstances that caused them to think that way. They believe that they are doing the right thing. If you believe you are doing something right, who can blame you for doing it?
Moreover, I think my rage has mellowed a bit. Past hurt has served an important lesson to me. It taught me a lot of things. One of which is that, no matter what people say, as long as you are happy, you don’t have to do what society expects of you. After all, you are only responsible for yourself and your own happiness. Life is what you make of it. That’s why I’m not going to bother about what other people say about my sexuality. And in that same ironic sense, I will not enforce myself upon those who say they are happy ‘being changed’. Their happiness is for them to decide. Even though we may disagree on who’s right and who’s wrong, I believe no one is the wiser. Because like I said, life is what you make of it.
My ex-gay friend, I used to think of him with a bit of pity and disdain. These days, I am ambivalent and more neutral. Both of us walked along the same path once. I stuck to the road, he changed ways. And so our life journeys part and differ. But I’m not going to say I’m right. Or the better one. Because to do that, is to act like the very people who hurt me once. To enforce my views on people who are happy with their own lives, that is invasive and bigoted.
So when I heard of Ted Haggard, sure, it strengthens my belief that repression of your sexuality is wrong. But I’m not going to tell that to the ex-gays. I’m not going to shove it in their faces even though I know I’m highly tempted to do so. Tit for tat… in vengeance of the past hurt they caused me. For they have chosen their own life paths, and no amount of ‘proof’ I give them will dissuade them. People choose what they want to believe. So I’ll just let bygones be bygones and continue as I am.
As for Ted Haggard himself, perhaps instead of laughter and gloating and condemnation towards the man…. Let us not act like the ones who hurt us. Instead, say a little prayer for him.
Peace.
tags:
discrimination,
forgiveness,
gay,
gay rights,
hurt,
lesbian,
oppression,
queer,
religious fundamentalists,
ted haggard,
glbt
- About: lublub is at peace. Ohm
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, ted haggard, discrimination, gay rights, oppression, religious fundamentalists, hurt, forgiveness
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12.06.06
Posted in LGBT Rights, Politics, Singapore Gay News at 1:11 am by Guest Writers
As the Penal Code is being updated, the Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) has been soliciting feedback from the public about this proposed amendments. One of the avenues was through focus group discussions for welfare, grassroots, religious and women’s groups. I attended one of them by prior registration.
MHA’s Reaching Everyone for Active Citizenry@ Home (REACH) officers had organised the focus group meeting well. Light food and beverage was catered before the meeting, as it was to begin at around dinner time. At the registration table, attendees were asked to record their Identity Card (IC) numbers on the list, to indicate attendance. It would no doubt be easier to monitor a person through this number.
Inside the low-lit room, paper and pencils were laid on their chairs for attendees. A REACH officer presented a general overview of the proposed amendments before the discussion began proper. It was chaired by three persons - Mses. Indranee Rajah (MP for Tanjong Pagar GRC, MM Lee’s team), Ellen Lee (a lawyer) and Rahayu. Attendees were invited to step up to the microphone to air their views. It soon became clear that the focus for the night was on the amendments which affected marital immunity for rape and criminalised gay sex.
Read the rest of this entry »
tags:
mha,
amendments,
discrimination,
feedback,
gay,
gay rights,
marital rape,
queer,
section 375,
section 377a,
singapore,
women's focus group,
women's rights,
women's rights,
penal code
- About: Written by still one.
"I am only one. But still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." - Edward Everettt Hale
- Forum discussion: LGBT Rights
- technorati: penal code, amendments, singapore, marital rape, section 377A, section 375, gay, queer, feedback, gay rights, discrimination, women's focus group, MHA, women's rights, women's rights,
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12.04.06
Posted in LGBT Rights, Singapore Gay News at 8:48 pm by pleinelune
Last Thursday, gathering my Sayoni mates and a whole lot of courage, I went to the MHA Focus Discussion Group for women. Coincidentally, or maybe not, it was held at Ang Mo Kio Grassroots Club, right in the bastion of the PM.
Upon registeration at the welcome-desk, one of our members refused to give our IC as identification, which caused some amount of confusion for the desk-helpers. Apparently, no one had ever tried to hold on their privacy before]. She was eventually allowed to pass. We went inside, and waited for quite a long time for the event to start, even though we had arrived after seven. During this time, we went through the amendments like we were mugging last-minute for an examination.
Finally, people started coming in. AWARE members took up at least half the audience, and the rest was made up of Sayoni women and private citizens. Two girls, one of whom we recognised to be a PSC/President’s scholar, started the event by welcoming everyone, and reading out the entire amendment in, all 8 pages of it, in flat tones. Before I zoned out, I noticed one comment on the powerpoint presentation: they explicitly stated that lesbian sex would not be criminalised. And the speaker added a comment that this was “so as not to give the impression that we are regressive in the area”. We could only look at each in confused incredulity, aware of the glaring contradiction as 377A was still in place.
Read the rest of this entry »
tags:
mha,
amendments,
discrimination,
feedback,
gay,
gay rights,
marital rape,
queer,
section 375,
section 377a,
singapore,
women's focus group,
women's rights,
women's rights,
penal code
- About: Pleinelune thinks giving feedback is useful - but only when people are willing to listen.
- Forum discussion: LGBT Rights
- technorati: penal code, amendments, singapore, marital rape, section 377A, section 375, gay, queer, feedback, gay rights, discrimination, women's focus group, MHA, women's rights, women's rights,
Permalink
Posted in General, Identity at 3:20 am by Guest Writers
What bothers me about the “it’s a choice” argument about homosexualty or homosexual “lifestyle” is the lack of empathy and the obvious ignorance on what living “the lifestyle” entails.
For whatever reason, people who make that argument seem to only see homosexuality as a sexual rebellion and a plot to overthrow tradition and social norms. It is as if gays and lesbians are deliberately antagonising the established rules, and not only that, but they enjoy doing it. Yes, we’re all thrilled and pumped up about it. What they don’t see is the painful process of self-doubt, self-hatred, and alienation, and when you’ve come to terms with those yourself, realizing that you will never be “normal”, that no matter where you go, you will never feel completely safe.
Some of us might have forgotten it; for some it might just be remembered as another glitch in the bumpy road to adulthood; but it’s an unmistakable darkness that we have all gone through. Some emerge from it with a few bruises, some with deep wounds, and some never make their way out.
Numerous studies have found a higher suicide attempt rate in gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered teens. Obviously because they’re just too excited about entering a world without sexual limitations, where pissing your parents off is considered to be cool.
I’m not going to say that it’s impossible for heterosexual people to understand what homosexual people have to go through. It’s true, and it’s true about anybody who’s trying to understand someone other than himself. But if you have ever felt like an outsider, if you have ever felt that you have been treated unjustly, or if you have ever been bullied for no reason other than that you’re too short/tall/fat/thin/smart/stupid, then you know what it might be like. And then imagine that mommy and daddy, instead of telling you that you’re beautiful anyway and you should ignore other people, tell you that it’s your choice that you had to go through that. Or maybe you won’t hear that, because you’re so frightened of what they may say and so afraid of losing their love, that you don’t even tell them about it.
If you say that it’s a choice, then either you’re saying that all gay people are sadistic, or you’re making an argument that makes no sense. Because if it’s a choice, then it should be obvious that no one would choose to be an outcast, that no one would deliberately choose to be gay and risk his life, physically, mentally or socially. It’s not fun, and if it’s a choice between life and death, then it’s not really a choice at all.
- About: By Stine from thelesbianlifestyle.blogspot.com
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, choices, being gay, being gay is not a choice
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