03.31.07
Posted in Feminism, General, Humour, Identity at 3:15 pm by jin
Make-up
So, now that I had bought a dress, I had to face the issue of make-up (no pun intended). I actually had already started thinking about make-up months before. At first, I had thought I could get away with not wearing any make-up to the wedding. But then various people started telling me that I had to. OK, they didn’t say it was compulsory, but the person who managed to convince me was my colleague (different from the dress-shopping one, but also another straight female one) who told me “If you are not wearing make-up, and when you take photos with your sister or the others who are wearing make-up, then you will look like a ghost in contrast to them.” No, my colleagues are not big on subtlety.
Before I continue, I should perhaps explain that I have a love-hate relationship with make-up. It goes beyond mere unfamiliarity due to never wearing any. I actually do believe that make-up is a form of oppression. Why do women have to go through so much effort just to look natural ? Don’t they look natural to begin with, the way they were created? Why is it normal for a man to spend just 5 minutes getting ready to leave the house, but unheard of for a woman? And obscene amounts of women’s salaries go to keeping the cosmetics industry probably the largest industry in the world.
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- About: jin thinks that it is more important to make-up her mind
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, lgbt, feminism, lesbian, gay, queer, makeup, wedding, women
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03.26.07
Posted in Coming out, Identity, Youth at 2:20 am by sayoni
所有兒童及青少年都應對自己有好感。所有的人 都有價值，也應得到禮待。但當很多身邊的人不 善待他們，或者相信同性戀者有「不妥」之處 時，同性戀青少年很難對自己有好感。很多同性 戀青少年由於恐怕家人不能接受，而感到必須隱 瞞他們是同性戀的事實。
這小冊子是為有子女表態或預備表態(是同性戀 者)的家長及家人而準備的。
如果我相信我的子女對同性人士產生好感，我應怎辦？
要問您自己這個問題，可能需要很大的勇氣。在着手找出答案前，問問 您自己為什麼您想知道，這是至關重要的。如果您的子女是同性戀者， 這對您來說意味着什麼？為什麼您認為現在應採取一些行動？您的動機 是什麼？
問問您自己：與子女談論性的問題，您感到自在嗎？如果您有興趣與您 子女談論性的問題，而且感到自在，您認為他或她也已準備好與您談 嗎？如果您子女確認是同性戀者，您會做些什麼？
請記住，您選擇的行動或反應可能對他們有某種意思。例如，如果您似 乎可以接受新的觀念，您的子女可能覺得您較易接近。另一方面，如果 您子女感到他或她的忠誠態度會受到懲罰，他們可能會選擇不向您，而 是向別人傾訴。
我子女試圖告訴我有關她/他的性傾向，但我就是不知道如何處理這次對話。 我應做些什麼？
子女試圖向您透露他們的性傾向，很可能意味着您對他們很重要，也意 味着他們在這種情況下，希望得到您的支持，所以您的反應很可能對您 的子女有很重大的影響。
最重要的是您要尊重您子女向您傾訴的決定。所以，讓他或她多發言。 您很可能對您子女或您自己有很多問題，嘗試對他們的觀點有更深刻的 了解。請記住，您的子女仍然是同一個人；您的子女沒有改變，變的是 您對他們的認識。
當您心中存在很多相反的情緒和想法時，要同意您子女的性傾向可能需 要一個長的過程。不能期望您能立即了解所有的事物。
我是否做錯了什麼嗎？
很多家長最初發現他們子女對同性有好感時，便會問自己這個問題。這 個問題其實有兩部份。首先，作為同性戀者是「不妥」或「違反自然」 的。其次，是您對子女的教養「導至」他們成為同性戀者。
很多人覺得同性間愛情的概念違反自然或不妥。有意識的道德判斷或文 化及宗教的教誨，令有些人有這樣的感覺。有些人則是因為他們只有甚 少關於同性間好感的訊息，而且我們收到的訊息往往是負面或不正確 的。
幸而，不安的感覺隨着理解及認識的加深而有所改變。
對子女的性傾向有內疚感或認為應負某些責任的不只您一個人。很多家 長集中於找尋他們子女性傾向的「成因」，因為他們認為這是有問題 的。對於很多父母，要找出性傾向的成因確實非常困難，而且令人更為 迷惑，因為現在並沒有同性戀或異性戀的正式認定成因。
有些家長處理這些感覺的一個方法，是集中探討他們為何和如何認為他 們子女的性傾向是一個問題。他們經常發現文化價值觀、社會對同性戀 人士的歧視、傳媒所塑造的負面形象、宗教信仰，以及對此課題缺乏認 識，很大程度令他們感到意料之外的不安。
別人會怎樣想？我應如何面對家人及朋友？
首先，問問自己為何會如此恐懼或介懷。您的子女在這方面或可給您一 些支持，因為她或他大約也曾經歷過類似您目前的情緒問題。
告訴別人有關您子女性傾向所期待的反應可能很難承受。您是否很介懷 別人有怎樣的想法？對於很多家長，要告訴別人是很困難和需要很大的 勇氣，即使他們本身已接受子女的性傾向，有些人的反應可能是正面， 但有些卻可能是負面的。
當您考慮告訴別人時，重要的是您應知道您對您要告訴的對象，以及如 何透露與透露的適當時機有一定的控制。您也可與子女談談他們自在的 程度，同時也訂出策略，畢竟他們幾乎要不斷思忖這些問題。有些家長 發現與其他同性戀兒童的家長分享他們的故事，及聆聽對方的故事對事 情有裨益。
我希望抱孫，我的同性戀子女會有小孩嗎？
很多同性伴侶有子女。話雖如此，現今要不要子女已較大程度是由於個 人選擇，而不太由於義務的因素，不管他們的性傾向是什麼。
如果您的子女選擇不生小孩，由於不能傳宗接代的原因，您可能會感到 憤怒或失望。這問題令很多同性戀人士同樣感到困擾，因為他們恐怕會 令父母或家人失望。您的子女選擇不生小孩會影響到您，雖然他們很可 能不是特地要做出傷害您的決定。
我子女會不會因為同性戀而感染到愛滋病？
不會。愛滋病是由一種稱為「人體免疫病毒」(HIV)所感染，HIV能感 染不同性傾向及背景的男女。HIV由一個受感染的人通過體液傳染給別 人。是否受感染在於他們的行為，而非性傾向。
同性戀人士是否較異性戀人士濫交？
對性關係的一般觀點在各種文化背景間有很大的差異。您可能成長於一 個人們通常和第一或第二位發生關係對象結婚的時代和地方。現時在北 美，情形不太一樣。北美洲很多移民及非移民家長，現正為他們子女或 較開明社會的文化價值觀差異而感到同樣的焦慮。
雖則如此，性活動只不過是同性戀人士生活的一部份。我們永遠應顧及 一個人生活的各方面–例如人格、家庭關係、專業或學術成就，以及愛 情關係。整體來說，認為同性戀者較異性戀者濫交是不正確的。
同性戀人士有沒有富有意義的關係？他們能真心相愛嗎?
是。您可能擔憂您子女將會孤獨或寂寞，這可能是因為公眾只看到很少 同性伴侶的典範。其實，很多人與同性伴侶建立富有意義及充實的關 係。愛情關係與伴侶的性別關係不大，這一點已得到廣泛的認同。
父母的愛及支持對維繫任何關係都是非常重要的，同時社區及社會也應 給予支持。如果一對伴侶不能很安心地表達互相的愛慕，或者要不斷「 隱瞞」，這樣會令他們更難維繫一段堅固的關係。因此，家庭聚會邀請 您同性戀子女及其伴侶出席，對他們可能是重要的確認。
在一些国家里例如加拿大，您的同性戀子女可以與另一同性人士合法結婚。
我的子女或家庭會不會受到歧視？
同性戀人士及其家庭常常經歷對他們的憎惡及恐懼。這種 憎惡加上恐懼形成所謂的「同性戀憎惡」(“homophobia”)。
同性戀憎惡有多種形式，從貶低同性戀者身份的笑話，以至拒絕醫院探 訪權利及更嚴重的身體騷擾。有些家長及同性戀人士對應付歧視感到無 助。但了解到同性戀憎惡事件可以是一種挑戰，可能令人感到鼓舞。很 多家長於同性戀憎惡事情出現時發出挑戰，以表示對其同性戀子女的支持。
The English version for ‘Parents and Family Members of Gay and Lesbian Youth’ coming up next…
tags:
combating homophobia,
coming out,
discrimination,
friends,
gay,
glbt,
lesbian,
lgbt,
parents,
pflag,
queer,
school board,
vancouver,
youth
- About: Sayoni is a member of the ILGA and this is a publication from the Vancouver community.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: youth, glbt, lgbt, queer, lesbian, gay, coming out, pflag, parents, friends, vancouver, school board, combating homophobia, discrimination
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03.19.07
Posted in Coming out, Identity at 6:25 pm by Guest Writers
I was surprised when I saw him sitting at the piano when I walked into church – his bright yellow shirt and flamboyant manner was shocking. I felt a strange and foreign kinship with him, yet I was confused as to why he was part of the worship team. He was totally gay! I attended a few weeks without sharing my thoughts with anyone else, but finally I nonchalantly asked a fellow church member if my suspicions were true. Her response was, “of course not dear, he’s a Christian”! I knew she was wrong, but I learned once again that I was treading on thin ice as a Christian and a closet lesbian. I was reminded how I should be and on the surface, no one could accept me for what I was.
I had ignored the fact that I loved women for years and years. I was too busy being the perfect daughter, the perfect student, and the perfect sister. I had to make everyone happy at all costs, so when the distraction of a confusing attraction crept its way into my mind, it was easy to push it away in haste without a second thought. The dreams I had at night of holding my best friend or touching a female classmate were easy to ignore too – I mean really, dreams are so confusing!
Add to the mix the unspoken rules of my faith and it was doubly important not to acknowledge the hidden feelings that dwelt subconsciously in my mind and heart. Such things could not be so, if you really had faith like I claimed to! I was not that way! It cannot be! How is THAT ever perfection? It would destroy everything for me in the world I had created by doing everything for everyone – never mind the fact that I was slowly dying with every task I finished. For years this defined my life.
So sitting in church, watching Mr. Gay play the piano was very hard for me. Not because he bothered me, but because he could not tell me anything about his life, nor could I tell him about mine. About the beautiful woman who held my heart in her hands, about how we loved each other beyond measure, about how it feels to hold her in my arms and smell her perfume as I kiss her. I could not openly hold her hand or acknowledge her place in my life because I was a Christian, and Christians were not homosexuals.
(Side note – I don’t believe that and I know my faith in Jesus is real and true. It’s just these PEOPLE who are so far from His word that bug!)
In any case, I have created this prison for myself as well. Oh to say to hell with my Christian job! To find a job where I can come out! To tell my family members, without care, of my undying devotion to the woman I love! But there was still that “perfect” part hanging onto my old life…..the life where I didn’t want to shatter the image I had worked so hard for. By doing so, what would it cost?
I want it so badly and yet I am scared.
So I look at Mr. Gay playing the piano and wonder, what is his life like?
tags:
bigotry,
bisexual,
christian,
christianity,
church,
closet,
coming out,
discrimination,
gay,
identity,
lesbian,
lgbt,
queer,
women,
glbt
- About: Written by Smoke Rings and first published in lesbianlifestyle.blogspot.com
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, lgbt, lesbian, christianity, christian, gay, queer, bisexual, women, church, bigotry, discrimination, coming out, identity, closet
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03.13.07
Posted in General, Singapore Gay News at 12:49 pm by sayoni
The National Council of Churches of Singapore is doing it again. In it’s latest attempt to uphold it’s medieval values of hypocrisy, homophobia and ignorant religious rant, the NCSS ‘encouraged’ the Singapore government to outlaw lesbian sex along with sex between men. Published in the monthly journal of the Methodist Church in Singapore, we
quote :
(c) We are aware that the proposed amendment to delete section 377 PC but on the other hand retaining section 377A PC may be controversial in some quarters. Nevertheless, we consider homosexual acts to be sinful, abhorrent and deviant, whether consensual or not. The NCCS commends the Government on taking a clear, unequivocal and bold stand of neither encouraging nor endorsing a homosexual lifestyle and opposing the presentation of the same as part of a mainstream way of life. At the same time, we do not condemn homosexuals as the Bible calls us to hate the sin but love the sinner. Given that section 377A PC criminalises homosexuality whether done private or publicly, we are of the view that a similar prohibition ought to be enacted in respect of lesbianism, considering that lesbianism (like homosexuality) is also abhorrent and deviant, whether consensual or not.’
Singapore is undergoing a major review of its Penal Code which the Ministry of Home Affairs is proposing to repeal Section 377 of the Penal Code which criminalises ‘carnal intercourse against the order of nature’ while retaining 377A which criminalises ‘gross indecency between two males.’ Section 377A of the Penal Code provides a 2-year jail term. In short, heterosexual anal or oral sex will be ok but not homosexual sex.
Taking note of NCSS’s statement that totally ignored the proposed repeal of Section 377, the question for NCSS is, why are heterosexual anal or oral sex ok now for your dust-filled holy book?
A quick note to the reader :
The comment above is institution and issue specific and not to be viewed as an offense to the religion.
Relevant links :
Methodist Message
Statement from PLU
Sayoni at Penal Code focus group
Sayoni at Penal Code focus group 2
An excellent article on proposed changes in the Penal Code by Yawning Bread
A detailed reading into the Consultation Paper on the proposed penal code amendments by the Ministry of Home Affairs
tags:
ministry of home affairs,
section 377a,
singapore,
bigotry,
christianity,
criminialize,
discrimination,
gay,
glbt,
homophobia,
hypocrisy,
lesbian,
lgbt,
oppression,
penal code,
queer,
religious violence,
repeal section 377,
singapore government,
national council of churches
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: National Council of Churches, glbt, gay, queer, lesbian, lgbt, bigotry, discrimination, homophobia, Singapore, oppression, christianity, penal code, repeal Section 377, Section 377A, criminialize, hypocrisy, religious violence, singapore government, Ministry of Home Affairs
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03.01.07
Posted in Minority, Relationships at 1:14 am by pleinelune
This is the third part of the series on Interracial Dating. Read the first two parts here and here.
Holding Hands
After you navigate the maze of the rules of attraction, there is the actual dating. This is when the fun begins, as the carnival of culture clash comes to your town.
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Pleinelune thinks the world would be a better place if people were colour-blind.
- Forum discussion: Minority
- technorati: queer, lesbian, bisexual, gay, interracial, dating, relationships, discrimination, racism, religion
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