The love that dare not speak its name
“Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill
The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”
Then sighing, said the other, “Have thy will,
I am the love that dare not speak its name.”
– True Love, Lord Alfred Douglas
It was a historical moment. Wilde, a movie made in 1997 was banned in Singapore for ‘homosexual content’, and it has been passed without cut with a R21 rating this year.
新加坡的同志文学在不同的角落中已各自精彩。不过这一次，《同不同》将把这些文字转化为共同呼吸的对话和表述，为历史供证，虔诚初衷。
来自不同领域的创作人将以诗歌、散文、小说、剧本汇成姿态迥异的对话。参与作者包括学者兼剧作家柯思仁、作家黄浩威、年轻作者邓倩兮、胡爱妮、孔思敏等。这个论坛将探索新加坡华文文学（原创与翻译）中的禁忌之恋和非主流志向。
让我们在存异求同之间，彳亍同行。
Queer-themed Chinese writing has found a place in Singapore’s literary landscape, individually. Now they will come together at this groundbreaking event, for dialogue and expression. Celebrating diversity, this promises to be a literary treat for all.
Featuring academic and playwright Quah Sy Ren, writer Ng How Wee, young writers Teng Qian Xi, Irene Oh, Hong Simin and more, the audience will be treated to a forum wherein the intricacies of forbidden love and its inspiration, as spoken through Singapore Chinese literary works (original and translated), are explored. Follow us as we seek camaraderie in diversity.
I was sitting in the auditorium of Peking University on a Sunday evening, and waiting for a film screening to begin. I glanced around casually while reading a book, and watched as the students entered alone, or in small groups, and taking their seats – chattering away or buried in their insatiable need to work on Mathematics problems constantly.
Two days ago, I was loitering around in the campus of PKU, and I got a pamphlet handed to me as I walked past an area full of bazaar stalls. I looked up, and saw a fair bespectacled boy smiling at me. It was a gay documentary film screening organized by the Red Cross Society in PKU. The guy assured that non-students are welcomed too, and so I made a mental note to attend. (Never mind that I would have to go alone, as my only possible companion would be on the train back to Shanghai by then.)
And I am clubbing away, in one of the most happening gay clubs in town.
I have not visited many queer nightspots in Beijing, so I would not declare it as the most happening gay club in Beijing. However, it is rather popular with gay men, and sometimes with straight clients.
Destination is quietly tucked away on a side of Gongti Xi Road, a stark contrast from the brightly-lit signboards just opposite, enticing party-goers with the flashing neon lights. It is not exactly obsure, but yet not conspicuous either with the monochrome signboard. I managed to see it on the taxi simply because I kept my eye on that side of the road. Read the rest of this entry »
Image from the documentary The Aggressives
For a woman
For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.
For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of “knowing everything.”
For every woman who is tired of being called “an emotional female,” there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.
For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.
For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.
For every woman who feels “tied down” by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.
For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.
For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.
For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.
– Nancy R. Smith
A friend of mine did a simple survey for his Sociology assignment. He asked many friends (about 20 of them) this question, “Would you feel more comfortable with a butch in your presence, or with an effeminate gay man?”
When he asked me this question, I replied, “Oh the gay man, of course.”
He was astonished to hear my response. Apparently, an overwhelming majority of the people he surveyed indicated that they would feel more comfortable hanging out with a butch. Most of the surveyees are straight men and women, and all of them felt more at ease with the idea of a woman behaving in a masculine way, than vice versa. Read the rest of this entry »
My first memories of National Day have always been the school celebrations, whereby we learnt to sing community songs a few weeks before the celebration. The schools in Singapore usually have the celebration one day before National Day, and we would watch the performances put up by our peers, and wave little Singapore flags. At the end of the day, we would go home with files or pens with the words ‘Happy National Day’ on them.
I never had the chance to watch the National Day Parade up close, partly because my parents were never enthusiastic about the idea. It is also partly because the tickets used to be much coveted items, which people queued up for days to obtain. However, watching the National Day Parade on television was a grand event. As a young child, I used to watch it earnestly with my cousins, and of course our favourite programme was the fireworks display, and sometimes we can see the display right outside the windows, much to our excitement.
As I grew older, the novelty of celebrating National Day wore off. However, I still have the amusing habit of counting the flags which are hung inverted, on the exterior walls of HDB flats.
Everything was simple and pretty when I was a child. I knew that I was born in a country which is ‘prosperous and flourishing’. I was promised of a bright future if I ‘study hard’. It seemed that every Singaporean has an equal opportunity to succeed in life. It seemed that nobody will be left behind. It did not take long for me to be disillusioned though.
As I explained many things to her, I debunked a lot of myths and stereotypes about the LGBT community along the way. To me, coming out is much more than telling people that I am gay. It also means an obligation on my part to educate people around me, to pave the way for better understanding of the LGBT community in society. Furthermore, the most important significance is to let people whom I care for, to understand me for who I am.
I complained to my friend that there is still a lot of negative social stigma associated with gays and lesbians. She replied, “Actually the situation now is considered good. If you told people that you are gay, like 10 or 20 years ago, people would just immediately conclude that you have AIDS.”
It is so true, and it dawned upon me how far we have come and how much our brave predecessors have achieved. Suddenly I felt so blessed being able to acknowledge to myself that I am gay, and tell people that I am gay without fearing persecution. However, the future journey is arduous, and far from complete. It is really up to us, to take more steps forward.
I am beginning to see that the most powerful form of activism is actually coming out. It is more powerful than gay pride parades, blogs, talks and forums, petitions and any other form of activism. It changes people’s misconceptions and mindsets fundamentally, because they know me as a real person, and I am exactly the same person before and after they found out that I am gay. Nothing has changed, and being gay is only a part of my overall identity. My sexual orientation is not a fashion statement which I feel compelled to wear on my sleeve, but rather a part of myself which I prefer not to hide consciously, if the circumstances permit.
Only when queer people are not merely names in the afternoon/ evening tabloids, but family and friends of every one of us in the society, then we can remove the negative social stigma. I can see it happening right beside me. I have friends who used to have negative perceptions of homosexual people but they are becoming more open-minded and accepting. I have guy friends who know that lesbians are not just butches and femmes and understand that lesbians are not waiting for the right men. I have lady friends who have no qualm about joking with me that they will love to marry me despite being well-aware of my sexual orientation. I love the way how it manifests to become a deep-rooted understanding, instead of superficial acceptance while sweeping everything under the carpet in denial.
I feel stronger and less vulnerable every time I come out to another person, and I do hope that I will be strong enough one day to take the step in my family. I will be invincible once I achieve that.
I was sitting outside the lecture theatre, having a short break with a friend after a particularly draining and exhausting lecture.
She is someone I knew since my junior college days, when she was in the same CCA as me. We were never close friends, but somehow a strange streak of fate brought us together again, when we ended up in the same faculty in university, and happened to take one same course for that particular semester.
It started off as an innocent conversation, but it did not last that way.
In the midst of talking about skin care and beauty tips (Engineering girls are girls too, so what do you expect? Duh.), I mentioned that actually if she knows gay men, they will be a good source of information for this particular topic. Of course it is a stereotype, but it is not a completely groundless or invalid stereotype. I spouted this comment casually, and I was not contemplating about revealing my sexual orientation to her, not even at that point of time.
Her eyes widened. My heart seemed to miss a beat.
She replied, “How come you know gay people? I don’t know of any actually.”
“They are my friends who tell me that they are gay, lor.” It was hard for me to contain my cool, while trying hard not to choke on the curry puff which I was eating.
“Wow. That is amazing, I don’t know of friends who are gay.”
(Are you kidding me? There is one sitting right in front of you now!)
In that split second, a sudden impulsive urge washed over me. She did not seem to be homophobic. Why don’t I come out to her?
I started to tell her about my gay and lesbian friends. She also told me stories which she has heard, like how a guy friend of her is extremely homophobic because another guy solicited sex from him, and how the only lesbian she knew is a butch who was staying in the same hostel as her. I was steering the conversation towards a direction, that gays and lesbians are normal and well-adjusted individuals, simply with different preferences. It is just like how some people are born to be left-handed.
She listened attentively with awe, while I opened the door to a world which was completely invisible and shielded from her. She admitted that she was very ignorant of the different communities in society, and I assured her that it is fine, as long as she keeps an open mind and refrains from passing hasty judgments. I hinted that she needs it, because it is very likely that she has gay and lesbian friends as well, just that they have not come out to her.
Unexpectedly, she exclaimed, “You know something? Now I feel envious of you. You have friends who tell you such intricate details about themselves; they have given you such a precious gift of trust!”
I knew it is true, and I should not deny this gift of trust to her anymore. “Do you know why I told you so much about gay and lesbians just now?” I asked. She looked at me with the quizzical look in her eyes. I stole a breath, and said, “That is because I am a lesbian.” I was careful to articulate every word properly and slowly, for fear that she would ask me to repeat, and I would lose the courage to say it once again.
For the moment, she simply stared at me. I could visualize how she was absorbing this piece of information, but I had no means to see how she was processing it. To my immense relief, she laughed, “Oh so that is what you were trying to tell me all along!”
It was getting late, as the lights along the corridors flickered on, and fewer students were milling about. Despite this, we had no intention to pack up and leave, as I was explaining to her why I identify myself as a lesbian. I answered the usual questions such as when did I realize that I like girls, what do I plan to do about it in future, etc. I also spent a long time asserting that there is actually no such thing called ‘gay lifestyle’, for it is just a collective identity, and not a lifestyle.
She blamed me jokingly, that I effectively switched on her ‘gaydar’, and she would start to suspect all her friends who are single and who have yet to indicate interest in the opposite sex. I could not stop laughing upon hearing that.
“Come to think of it, I have two aunts who are still not married,” she pondered.
“Hmm… can it be that they are…”
She protested, “But they don’t look like they are!”
“Then do you think I look like one?”
She admitted, “No, you don’t.”
I chuckled to myself, and took a big bite out of my curry puff, triumphantly.
(To be continued.)
没错，我在标题中为“东方传统价值观”放上双引号，因为很多人说的“东方传统价值观”，和我心目中的价值观真的有很大的落差，像是用了同样名字的两把尺，衡量不到彼此的距离。
我们常常都会听到一些官员说，新加坡是东方社会，所以不能接受同性恋，我始终都不明白为什么东方社会就意味着保守和食古不化。我对印度、东瀛和东南亚文化不够熟悉，不过至少中国文化的本质，并没有压迫同性恋者。（我说的是文化的本质，不是一般人为文化作的注脚。）从魏晋汉朝时期，文人雅士们就对同性相爱作了许多美丽的诠释，完全没有歧视的意思。汉朝的许多皇帝都有过男宠，甚至成了一种流行。最著名的就是汉哀帝和董贤的一段情，成了历史上的“断袖之癖”。其实他们的爱情不被人接受，并不是因为当时人们不接受同性相爱，而是因为董贤实在太能干，汉哀帝周围的人担心他会夺权。
我记得高中的时候，我选修华文，所以得读红楼梦。读这部小说的时候，很震撼，因为作者对那些美男子的断袖情，完全没有鄙视之意，还把这些男子描写成清理脱俗的人儿，比那些只会读书考试做官的人可爱多了。 吊诡的是，我们的社会对性取向的包容，只随着时代倒退。
其实东方社会对同性恋其实更包容，华人的传统价值观有忠孝仁爱礼仪廉耻，不过没有说不能同性相爱。所谓的东方价值观，其实只是农业社会的一种延续。因为农村里需要劳动力，所以生育能力成为了衡量一个人的生存价值的标准。 不过，现在我们又不需要耕田，没理由用如此原始的理由去评定每一个人的价值。
我真的不是被所谓的“西方歪风”影响，才会喜欢女孩子的。我的父母是华校生，我也毕业自传统华校，没喝过洋墨水，和“jiak kan tan”根本沾不上边。所以请别说同性恋者都是喝了太多洋墨水才会接受这种西方的玩意，对我，对很多人，都是一种侮辱。爱一个人，对我来说是一种很自然，很纯粹的事，和我的背景根本没关系。
如果我不同的身份认同，像是我的十根手指，我所受的教育和价值观，就像钢琴上的黑白琴键。没错，我是一个新加坡人，是一个在传统华人家庭长大的孩子，是一个只爱女人的女人。但同时，我知道什么叫忠义，我也知道什么叫饮水资源。我相信这样弹出来的乐章，可以仍然和谐，仍然动听。
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Translated by onekell
Tug-of-war with “traditional Asian values”
That’s right. I put quotations marks around ‘Asian traditional values’, because what many people call ‘traditional Asian values’ differ vastly from those in my own understanding, like two rulers which are unable to measure each other.
We often hear public officials say, Singapore is an Asian society and that is why we cannot accept homosexuality. I never understood why an Asian society must entail conservatism and pedantry. I am not sufficiently familiar with Indian, Japanese and Southeast Asian cultures; however at least the essence of Chinese culture does not oppress homosexuality. (My intepretation of the essence may differ from the common perception.) Since the Wei, Jin and Han dynasties, scholars have made many beautiful interpretations of homosexuality without any discriminatory meaning. Many emperors had male lovers and it even became a kind of trend. The most famous example was Emperor Han Ai and Dong Xian’s love affair, which became historically known as ‘a preference for cut-sleeves’*. Actually, their relationship was not socially accepted, not because their contemporaries did not accept homosexuality, but rather because Dong Xian was so capable that the Emperor’s intimates worried that he would try to wrest power for himself.
I remember: at junior college, I chose to study Chinese and had the opportunity to read ‘the Dream of the Red Mansion’. While reading this novel, I was shocked, because the author did not treat the ‘cut-sleeve’ affairs between the beautiful men with contempt and even portrayed them as progressive people who were much more endearing than public officials, who only knew how to study and take exams. Paradoxically, our society’s tolerance of diversity in sexual orientation has only regressed with time.
In fact, Asian society is more tolerant of homosexuality. Traditional Chinese values consist of loyalty, filial piety, love, propriety, integrity and humility, but never forbade homosexual love. These traditional Asian values are actually the legacy of an agricultural society. Agricultural society required manual labour and reproductive ability became a standard measure of a person’s worth. But since we no longer need to till the land, there is no need measure a person’s worth in such a primitive way.
I’m truly not influenced by ‘Western decadence’ in my love of girls. My parents were from traditional Chinese schools, I graduated from traditional Chinese schools and have never been educated abroad; I am nowhere close to being ‘Westernised’. So please don’t say that homosexuals are so because they have been too ‘Westernised’ and hence accepted this Western constrct. To me and many others, that is an insult. Loving someone is a very pure and natural matter to me; it has nothing to do with my background.
The many aspects of my identity would be like my fingers; my education and values would be like the black and white keys of a piano. I’m a Singaporean, raised in a traditional Chinese family and a woman who loves only women. At the same time, I know what loyalty and integrity are, I know what it means to appreciate one’s roots. I believe that the music played by my fingers can still be harmonious and moving.
* The term ‘cut-sleeves’ comes from a story of how one morning when the Emporer woke up, he found his male lover sleeping on his long sleeve. In order to avoid waking his lover, he took a knife and cut off his sleeve.
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