09.16.07
Posted in General, Support Groups, Youth at 10:18 pm by lublub
Hey Boys and Girls,
Young OUT Here, more affectionately known as yOUTh, is back!
All Fueled Up and Raring to Go, this second run is definitely more exciting, with a larger range of topics and social events you can look forward to!
What is yOUTh about?
Not affiliated with any organisations, yOUTh stands on its own as a gay identity building, affirming and support group, especially for youths, set up by youths!
yOUTh aims to reach out to LGBT teens who want to come together, to not only to learn from each other but also to share their experiences that they go through, building their own social and support network at the same time, in a safe and inclusive environment!
The theme for the second run is EMPOWERMENT. It will focus on skills for you to build on your individuality by discussing relevant topics. We’ve also included a bigger range of themes and a deeper emphasis on your relations with school, family, friends, relationships, the LGBT community and of course, yourselves.
What YOU can look forward to:
• Creative and informal discussions about topics that concern YOU!
• Safe and Inclusive environment
• Listening ears aplenty
• Guest Speakers to shed light on more serious topics and answer your questions!
• Snacks and drinks provided every session
• A great place to meet and make like-minded friends.
• A total of 12 sessions are planned with social outings peppered in between sessions for YOU to mingle and enjoy the company of your new friends!
A Taste of the Topics that will be covered:
• One Foot In, Both Feet OUT - Coming OUT and YOU
• Where We Belong - Our Community and YOU
• Class in Session - School and YOU
• Dearly Beloved - Family and YOU
• Trilogy of Love - Dating, Relationships, Breakups and being Happily Single!
• Bringing SexyBack - Safer Sex and YOU
• You and Only YOU – Healthy Gay Identity and YOU
The second run of yOUTh is slated to start in end Oct 07, spanning about 4 months.
Group Size will be capped at 15.
If you are interested, between the age of 16 to 21, LGBT and want to find out more, do contact us at young.out.here@gmail.com
If you do know of a fellow GLBT youth from this age group, do help to spread the word around!
yOUTH is sponsored by fridae.com and Action for Aids (Singapore)
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08.05.07
Posted in General, LGBT Rights, Singapore Gay News at 11:47 pm by lublub
An observation that perplexes me at times:
What are the real needs of gay people? And how do we reach out to them?
———–
This was the third run of Indignation this year. As expected, it was highly anticipated and many activists and volunteers were preoccupied with its preparation and execution. There was a great variety of events being planned, and this time there was an improved ‘gender balance’ in terms of the programs offered. There were also some landmark events, such as the kissing exhibition and a public sharing by 3 transsexuals. All in all, a very exciting two weeks indeed.
For most of the events I attended, the program ran smoothly without many hiccups and plenty of refreshments were provided. There were also many helpful volunteers on hand to distribute flyers, souvenirs and usher people to their seats. The topics covered in the events themselves were wisely chosen as they were pertinent and perhaps even taboo (yes even in the gay community itself!) and they were thoroughly discussed. In fact, there was a huge range in terms of programs offered: from forums, to dialogues to readings and film screenings. Indeed, there was much to learn through the sharing of people’s perspectives, their struggles and triumphs.
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Lublub applauds Indignation for what it is, but underneath all that spectacle, she wonders how the layman feels...
- Forum discussion: Events
- technorati: indignation 2007, lesbian, gay, queer, glbt, lgbt, pride month, singapore, straight,
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06.07.07
Posted in Relationships at 8:51 pm by lublub
Love is like a drug. Isn’t it?
You inhale the vapours. It makes you high for awhile. Then you start tumbling and falling back down. Crashing into hard, solid reality. It seems like love always ends in hurt. One relationship after another. A never-ending cycle of temporary happiness.
False joy.
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Written by lublub
- Forum discussion: Sex-same dynamics
- technorati: glbt, lgbt, gay, queer, lesbian, love, gay relationships, same-sex relationships
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05.31.07
Posted in LGBT Rights, Politics, Singapore Gay News at 5:04 pm by lublub
The recent hoo-haa surrounding MM Lee’s statements on homosexuality has ruffled my feathers and poked at the idealist in me. It was heartening to see so many others rise up and stand up for who they are, by writing into forums, newspapers to defend themselves and others.
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Lublub started out with a big dream.
But these days, she realizes that she doesn’t have enough hands or successes, and might not even see her dream fulfilled in her lifetime. But that doesn’t make the dream any less worth pursuing.
- Forum discussion: LGBT Rights
- technorati: gay, queer, singapore, activism, mmlee, homosexuality
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12.28.06
Posted in Coming out, Emotional Health, Entertainment, General at 11:27 am by lublub
Is it just me? Or are there hordes of gay couples watching X-Men at the cinemas today?
Months ago, I was at the movies with a whole clique of gay male friends and we were there for the sneak preview of the third X-Men installment. After we came out of the cinemas, one of our friends had to use the boy’s room. Following standard protocol, we waited in a small circle at the cinema entrance for him to rejoin the group. And as we waited and created a traffic obstruction, people streamed out like a river flow to our left and right. If there’s one skill I’ve learnt after hanging around gay men so often, is that your propensity for identifying gay men just skyrockets. And there… to my left and right, were gay men in all their ‘NUM’/tanned/muscled glory. There were groups of three to four men-only cliques, and ‘couples’ of men walking together. It seemed that there were more gay people than straight people watching X-men.
Am I dreaming or am I dreaming?
Which makes me wonder, ‘why is it so often said that gay people identify with superhero movies?’ Especially the latest X-Men movie? What is it about the storyline or theme that draws us to such shows, even though they are not explicitly homosexual?
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Lublub is a budding superhero, and her specialty is to turn into jelly at the sight of beautiful women.
- Forum discussion: Thing to muse about
- technorati: Entertainment, identity, coming out, queer, lesbian, bisexual, gay
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12.12.06
Posted in Ex-gay, Queer News at 6:22 pm by lublub
I guess everyone would have heard of the Ted Haggard scandal by now. If you haven’t, here is a brief summary of what happened: One of America’s most influential evangelist, Pastor Ted Haggard, who heads a ten-thousand strong church and is a fierce opponent against gay marriage, has been exposed as living a double life as a gay person. Apparently, he had employed the services of a call boy over an extended period of time. When the call boy saw Ted on TV opposing homosexuality and gay marriage, he decided to spill the beans on Ted to the media. Enraged by Ted’s hypocrisy, the call boy decided to break the code of silence and bring the truth to light.
I guess in a surreal way, this is a fantasy come true. Let me explain why….
For many of us, we have been attacked by religious people at some point of our lives with regards to sexuality. And it hurts. Badly. These emotional wounds that will heal over time (forgiven but not forgotten); leave an unmistakable scar on our psyches. And there is nothing that triggers past pains more strongly than an old scar being digged at. I should know, after all, the strongest homophobia I encountered was from fellow Christian friends when I came out. And it hurt me really badly because I was at that point of my life when I was vulnerable and needed support, not condemnation.
There were some hurtful things said. For example, I was likened to ‘an animal’. Worse, it came from a friend who identified as ‘ex-gay’. And it cut me so badly I cried buckets, at home, in school. To others. It also developed in me a deep hatred (at that point of time) for religious homophobia. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than those moments.
I’ve always believed in the ideas of fairness and equality, and would imagine days of vengeance and revenge on these religious homophobes. ‘What they did to me, one day, they will get in return’, that was what I envisioned in those dark days. I would imagine, how those who call themselves ‘ex-gay’ or ‘reformed’, those who promote the idea of sexuality change, would one day fall on their own swords. And eat their words because they will be proven wrong. Because I believed that suppressing one’s desires is unnatural and will one day lead to an internal implosion inside the person. In my head, all those ex-gays were wrong and one day they would know and I would bear witness to it. And I will be happy for I will be vindicated.
Well, those events happened 2 years ago. And 2 years hence, came the Ted Haggard saga and the seeming fruition of my fantasies. One of the biggest personifications of religious homophobia has befallen, because of himself. Just as I had envisioned and wished for. My proof has come.
But am I happy?
Do I gloat? I’ve had my wish. But it doesn’t satisfy. No. Instead, I feel empty and pity. Pity for those who build a trap for themselves. Pity for those caught up in the system, unaware of circumstances that caused them to think that way. They believe that they are doing the right thing. If you believe you are doing something right, who can blame you for doing it?
Moreover, I think my rage has mellowed a bit. Past hurt has served an important lesson to me. It taught me a lot of things. One of which is that, no matter what people say, as long as you are happy, you don’t have to do what society expects of you. After all, you are only responsible for yourself and your own happiness. Life is what you make of it. That’s why I’m not going to bother about what other people say about my sexuality. And in that same ironic sense, I will not enforce myself upon those who say they are happy ‘being changed’. Their happiness is for them to decide. Even though we may disagree on who’s right and who’s wrong, I believe no one is the wiser. Because like I said, life is what you make of it.
My ex-gay friend, I used to think of him with a bit of pity and disdain. These days, I am ambivalent and more neutral. Both of us walked along the same path once. I stuck to the road, he changed ways. And so our life journeys part and differ. But I’m not going to say I’m right. Or the better one. Because to do that, is to act like the very people who hurt me once. To enforce my views on people who are happy with their own lives, that is invasive and bigoted.
So when I heard of Ted Haggard, sure, it strengthens my belief that repression of your sexuality is wrong. But I’m not going to tell that to the ex-gays. I’m not going to shove it in their faces even though I know I’m highly tempted to do so. Tit for tat… in vengeance of the past hurt they caused me. For they have chosen their own life paths, and no amount of ‘proof’ I give them will dissuade them. People choose what they want to believe. So I’ll just let bygones be bygones and continue as I am.
As for Ted Haggard himself, perhaps instead of laughter and gloating and condemnation towards the man…. Let us not act like the ones who hurt us. Instead, say a little prayer for him.
Peace.
tags:
discrimination,
forgiveness,
gay,
gay rights,
hurt,
lesbian,
oppression,
queer,
religious fundamentalists,
ted haggard,
glbt
- About: lublub is at peace. Ohm
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, ted haggard, discrimination, gay rights, oppression, religious fundamentalists, hurt, forgiveness
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10.21.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Identity, Youth at 6:00 pm by lublub
The GLBT community in Singapore is not exactly the most conducive environment for a questioning teen. Heck, it wasn’t a conducive environment either for the teen who is already out and proud. When I first discovered PPC, I imagined it to be like a community centre, complete with basketball court and GLBT teens just chilling about. No kidding. I thought I could even find a proper youth group there to mingle with and have fellowship. Imagine my shock when I finally saw the real thing.
Going to the PPC at its old location was a nightmare. I have never felt so scared walking around in Singapore before. Tucked away in a maze of shophouses, you had to navigate in between confusing roads and rows of shophouses. Pass by many prostitutes and goodness knows who else, as you attempt to make your way to the place. I’ve been to PPC more than 6 times. And each time I go there, I walk by a different way because I keep forgetting how to navigate to the right spot. 6 times of trial and error. Going home after Women’s Nite is an even bigger nightmare. It becomes all dark and scary outside. But of course, this was the best place that the management could find, and for the fact that it(PPC) existed, I was more than grateful already. Besides, I learned to have more guts and courage just by going there.
Furthermore, if you exclude the gay-affirming religious organisations, sports and charity organisations, gay culture in Singapore seems mostly comprised of clubbing, clubbing and more clubbing. And what’s worse is that you rarely meet youths like yourself in the non-clubbing aspects of gay culture. It is mostly adults. For youths who are just timidly aware and recognising their own sexuality, without any gay friends their age, that can be a very demoralising fact to digest. You will be left wondering, where are all the teens who are like me? Having said that, there are no proper avenues for a gay youth to find peer support. By peer support, I mean someone your age and generation, whom you can talk to.
Also, some youths might be intimidated by adults, because they are older and older strangers have a greater capacity to do bad things to you, as compared to an unknown youth your age. And for many youths, the only adults that they know are teachers, relatives, their parents and their parent’s friends. Not many of us have that opportunity to know another adult as a friend. This is because the working world and the schooling world rarely collide, if at all. (In fact, some of my friends are mildly surprised that I have 30 to 40 year old friends whom I’ve met on my own and not through parents etc.) Thus, the fact that the gay community ’seems’ comprised of alot of older people, might scare off other youths who just want to meet others like themselves - young and gay. After all, who better to relate to the feelings of a youth than another youth? We all seek people whom we can identify with after all. It’s human nature.
Besides PPC and the GLBT library, there were very few avenues and resources from which a GLBT youth could seek affirmation from besides the impersonal Internet. As a queer youth, I wanted so much to bond with others like me (in real life not virtual reality). To share my life and hear the stories of other teens. To finally find friends who really, really understood what it’s like to be me. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that I desperately needed to seek out other GLBT youths when I discovered that I was one too. And I was so disheartened to find that it was exceedingly difficult to meet other youths in person, especially so if you aren’t really that Internet-savvy and want something more than online friendships and forums.
I yearned for what I read about on the Internet. Gay-straight alliances, GLBT groups on university campuses. I wanted something alive and real. An actual, physical place which I could go to and have friends who are queer like me. Maybe something just like school you know?
Acknowledging my sexuality and going to PPC to meet other GLBT taught me one important life lesson. And that is: If you want something, don’t wait for it to fall down from the sky onto your lap. Do something about it, because your life and what you make of it is all in your hands. I can’t hang around and wait patiently, hoping that some kind soul would someday set up a place for GLBT youths to come together. By the time that happens, I’ll probably be too old to be considered ‘youth’. For all you know, it might not even happen…
Then one fine day, I realised that another gay friend of mine wanted something similar too. And then it dawned upon us that if the two of us want it, maybe there are others out there like us too. Other GLBT youths who wanted a space for themselves. A place where they can put into words, feelings that are deemed immoral and wrong in society. A place where they can speak without fear of being judged, condemned or harrased. A place to be themselves.
And so we decided to create such a place. Without experience or relevant skills. Just lots and lots of passion and ideas. It’s probably the biggest project of my life thus far, and nothing like what they make us do in school. If it works, it’ll be a dream come true for us. But for now, it’s a serious work in progress… and when the time comes, I shall share more about it.
But for now, watch this space.
- About: Lublub is a lone teenager, sitting in front of the computer in her own room. Getting connected online to hundreds of other GLBT people, all alone as well and sitting in front of the computer in their own rooms. All waiting for that one chance when they can see someone, anyone, face to face, and turn what is virtual into reality.
- Disclaimer: I know what I write here may not apply to all youths, in the sense that there might be some youths who didn't find themselves helpless despite lack of proper resources and physical avenues of support. But I believe that what I say is representative of a very real segment of this GLBT community. A segment which most of us 'out and proud' denizens do not see. But this segment of teens are seen only by their counsellors and teachers. Their loneliness and isolation in the closet is achingly real. And for this reason, I write this piece for them. (Or for the lurkers in the forum who might be feeling the same way.) Because it is these teens who need our help and support most of all...
- technorati: youth, coming out, peer support, GLBT teens
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10.19.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Identity, Youth at 3:27 pm by lublub
Don’t you just love to travel?
When you travel, you are exploring a totally different kind of environment. One that is so foreign and fascinating compared to staid old Singapore.
But do you know what it’s like to travel inside yourself?
When I finally discovered that I wasn’t straight, it was as though somebody suddenly flicked a switch in my brain. Awareness came flooding in. All the little signs in the past, all those hints to self that I denied. I was discovering the real me for the first time. Before realising our sexuality, many of us would try to suppress thoughts of same-sex attraction whenever they inevitably came out. This time, I let my mind wander and explore freely. Everything seemed to make sense now.
But then again, there were also alot of things that didn’t make sense to me… and I thought, “Okay, so I’m gay. Now what?“
It is hard to be surrounded by your own friends and feel achingly distant from them. As though you never really knew them. That was true in way, you could never understand the girls’ boy-craziness. Even though you might understand a guy’s attraction to girls (like bees to honey), it is still different. Somehow. From that attraction to girls you feel. And to make things worse… I didn’t have any gay friends in school.
And hell, it sucks to be gay by yourself.
Like I said, when you finally come out to yourself, alot of bottled and pent-up feelings are finally released within you. And when that happens, there is a need to verbalise what you are feeling. Sure you say, I could do that to the straight friends I’m out to. But no matter how hard they try to emphatise, they could never reach that level of understanding that another gay person will have… for the very fact that they aren’t one. And don’t you wish once in a while, that people understood you? All of us yearn for and need friendships that aren’t casual or fair weather in its nature. But when you’re a homosexual and are going through all that emotional turmoil that accompanies realisation and self-acceptance, all the more you need that someone special to listen to you. You needed someone who cared, and genuinely understood.
But more importantly, you needed validation and assurance that you are not alone. That somebody has already gone through what you’ve gone through. And that this emotional turmoil is just a common phase. You needed someone to identify with. But when you’re a minority… how are you going to find others like yourself?
I don’t know how the wise ladies in this forum could have survived in the ’80s and ’90s, when the Internet wasn’t as available as now. Because for me, I would be at a complete loss as to how to find others like me if I didn’t have the Internet. I couldn’t exactly go around asking, ‘Eh, you gay not? Want to be my friend?’
From the Internet, I discovered that the only safe place for me to meet other GLBT was the Pelangi Pride Center. But I was really apprenhensive about going to the PPC because 1) I will be meeting complete total strangers 2) I don’t know how to get there on my own 3) I will be forced to step out of my comfort zone of familiar school and family, and into that big unknown adult world.
But I went anyway. And this was because I had finally come to a point in my life whereby, f-ck this, I better find some gay people to talk to or else I am going to die. Seriously. That was how isolated I felt in a heterosexual environment.
The Pelangi Pride Centre (a GLBT library) was a god send.
Wait, let me repeat that again. The PPC was a god-send!!! It was a glimmer of hope on my tiny computer screen, which blossomed into an experience so real and so affirming. There were people like me. And they were all so normal. It was nothing like what they show of gay culture on TV. Of drag queens and effiminate men which spoke with a high-pitched lisp and had broken wrists. The lesbian community was more diverse than I thought. It wasn’t just all butch-y girls and their femme girlfriends. There were literally ALL KINDS OF WOMEN. And I’m glad to say that most don’t fall into a label that I could neatly pigeon-hole them into. In fact, I used to think that all lesbians were young women. (How ignorant right?), and that it was just a phase that you grew out of. When I saw more of the lesbian community (through Women’s Nite, a social gathering for queer women), that old stereotype of mine was completely blown to bits. Yes. You can possibly be a lesbian for life. It has happened to others.
I met many wonderful people at PPC. I even met a straight volunteer librarian who impressed me for the fact that she, although straight, could emphatise with the marginalisation of GLBT. But there was one thing that bothered me about the gay community in Singapore. And this is just my personal point of view…
- About: Lublub is a lone teenager, sitting in front of the computer in her own room. Getting connected online to hundreds of other GLBT people, all alone as well and sitting in front of the computer in their own rooms. All waiting for that one chance when they can see someone, anyone, face to face, and turn what is virtual into reality.
- Forum discussion: Coming out
- technorati: gay youth, GLTBT, queer, coming out, identity, peer support, lesbian,
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07.09.06
Posted in General, Identity at 9:44 pm by lublub
Sexuality is a curious thing.
Over the years as my experiences grew, my thoughts on the word sexuality and what it meant to me has changed at least twice. It wasn’t just small minute changes. In fact, they were huge paradigm shifts. Quantum leaps from the ultra-conservative, to the modern, and now to the new-age.
———
When I was a younger teenager, sexuality was a scary black and white word. There was only one definition of it, and that was straight. Constructed by society and enforced by everyone around you, I tried to box myself into that definition. I didn’t even know the word ‘sexuality’ then; I just knew I was straight. Haha. Crushes on girls were anomalies too horrific to confront. I just brushed them aside into semi-consciousness. Meanwhile, I started to cultivate myself a ‘taste’ in men. When fellow classmates gushed about guys, I talked about their bodies. But I mostly avoided the subject of love if possible.
——–
Fast forward to junior college, I came out to myself and others. Suddenly, sexuality was not an anonymous aspect of self anymore. I could no longer blend my sexuality in. But instead I felt compelled to wear it on my sleeve, like a crown of thorns or a tiara, depending on how you see it. Sexuality became… the opposite of the shadow it once was. It was now an identity.
Lublub is a science student, lublub is a Christian.. ohh, I almost forgot… lublub is a lesbian! *chuckle, why do we not hear straight people proclaiming heterosexuality as part of their identity?*
As a newly-self-discovered gay person, I was proud of my sexuality. I thought of it as a unique character trait. I’m more special… because of my sexuality. Sexuality then embodied many other aspects of me, such as my beliefs in freedom of choice and non-conformity. Sexuality is me. I was lesbian before I was Chinese or anything else.
———
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Lublub still prefers her favourite brand of ice cream but is open to the idea of trying out new and kinky flavours.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: sexuality, glbt, queer, lesbian, love, relationships
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06.15.06
Posted in General, Youth at 12:19 pm by lublub
Disclaimer: lublub is about to embark on a little love story. So if you do not like to read sappy writing which drips with melancholy. Please click “sayoni forums” where the keyboard action is.
Taken from http://www.geocities.com/minorka2/Hentranslationvol1part2.html
I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart,
I’ll see.
To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.
“Strange And Beautiful” – by Aqualung
Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Lublub has a stubborn little heart which refuses to learn an important lesson: That falling in love with straight girls is hazardous to one’s health!!
- Forum discussion: Same-sex Dynamics
- technorati: lesbian, queer, glbt, gay youths, falling in love, love, relationships
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