12.22.06
Posted in Chinese, Coming out at 11:40 am by mint
爸、妈：
我在5岁时，跟同学打架，你们原谅我。10岁时，我不小心弄死了家里的狗，你们原谅我。16岁时，没有进入理想的初级学院，你们原谅我。我知道我不是100分，可是，你们说我是四个孩子当中最乖的，最懂事的。21岁那年，我说我喜欢女孩子，你们哑口无言。一个星期后，你们说这是不对的。
什么是“不对”？哥哥交上损友从此烟不离手，你们接受了。姐姐夜夜笙歌结果未婚先孕，你们接受了。弟弟不是读书的料小学没毕业，你们接受了。为什么我喜欢女孩子，你们却不能接受？
爸，你说我没有跟女孩子发生过关系，不能就这样下定论。当年，你是否跟妈发生了关系才确定你喜欢女人？妈，你说同性恋不能得到法律的认同，没有一纸婚约，感情一定不稳定。三年前，我们一家人到婚姻注册局见证表哥和表嫂签下结婚证书。上个礼拜，阿姨在电话上跟你哭诉表哥和表嫂在办离婚手续。
今天，是我的生日。我希望你们能接受我，喜欢女孩子的我。我希望有一天你们能放开胸怀接受我的女朋友，我希望有一天我能牵着她的手带她回家吃饭，这是一种承认。然后，有一天你们允许我牵着她的手参加家庭聚会，并把她介绍给阿姨和舅舅们，这是一种公开。永远爱你们的女儿
A letter to my parents
Daddy, Mummy:
When i was five, i had a skirmish with my classmates… you forgave me. When i was ten, i killed our neighbour’s dog by fluke… you forgave me. At sixteen, i did not enter into the ideal junior college of your choice… you forgave me. I know i’m not perfect, but you said i am the most obedient and understanding among your four children.
At age 21, i told you i like women. You were speechless. One week later, you said this is not right.
What is not right?
My older brother went into bad company and acquired smoking. You accepted it. My older sister was pregnant before marriage. You accepted it. My younger brother was not of academic caliber and failed to graduate from primary school. You accepted it.
Why is it that you cannot accept my lesbianism?
Daddy, you said i cannot make such a conclusion because i have not had sexual relations with a woman. Years ago, did you sleep with mummy to ascertain your heterosexuality?
Mummy, you said homosexuality is not legally acceptable. Without legal recognition of same-sex marriages, the relationship would be unstable.
Three years ago, the entire family witnessed the marriage of Cousin and his wife. Last week, Auntie is lamenting the divorce procedures they are undergoing over the phone.
Today… it’s my birthday.
I hope you can accept me, this me who loves women. I hope that one day, you will accept my loved one with wide-opened arms. I hope i can hold her hand and take her home for a meal.
This is a form of acceptance.
Then… one day, you will allow me to hold her hand as i bring her to family gatherings; to introduce her to my aunties and uncles…
This is a form of declaration.
Your daughter, who always love you.
- About: Mint salutes all parents who accept their gay kid and are still proud of them.
- Forum discussion: Coming Out
- technorati: Family, gay, lesbian, acceptance, coming out
Permalink
11.25.06
Posted in General, Relationships at 11:38 am by mint
第一次的亲密接触 五年前，在图书馆第一次看到《第一次的亲密接触》。这个书名吸引了我（好，我承认我好色）。 我记得读完书时，夜阑人静，一个人躺在床上。没有激情，只有伤感；没有自慰，只有脸颊上的两行眼泪。这是一个爱情故事，结尾是场悲剧。一对处在暧昧阶段的恋人，表面上不是很在乎彼此，但暗地里都很喜欢对方。双方都没有作出任何表示。有一天，一方因重病而过时了。 整本书并没有我之前所期待的“亲密接触”。或许因为没有这样的“亲密接触”，似乎有点可惜。 这本书的故事情节自古以来层出不穷，可是它却让我从新定义“亲密接触”。爱情的“亲密接触”并不只限制在鱼水之欢。说的难听一点，只要有钱，只有在酒吧里多混两圈，肉体上的亲密接触垂手可得。心灵上的“亲密接触”才是难能可贵的。 亲密接触，是当
… 左手牵起她的右手。
… 在她的怀里宁听她的心跳。
… 拨开她眼前的头发。
… 看到她在家时的样子，没有打扮，烂衣旧裤，头发乱。
… 吃到她亲手做的早餐。
… 看着她熟睡的样子。
… 陪她去看医生。
… 我们的笑话旁人听不懂。
… 我们的用词旁人不晓得。
… 知道还会有很多很多的亲密接触。 我想，蔡志恒所谓的“亲密接触”大概就是这些吧。爱情里的亲密接触，随手可得，却轻易被遗忘。用心体会，the intimate contacts。 一段感情，无论任何阶段都会有“第一次的亲密接触”。就算一对老情侣，第一次触摸彼此的假牙，也是“第一次的亲密接触”。享受第一次，享受接触，更享受亲密。
My first intimate contact
It was five years ago in the library, when I first saw the book “My first intimate contact”. The title drew me (alright, I confess I am lascivious).
After I completed the book, I lay on bed in solitude, in the serenity of the night. There was no passion, just sadness; no comfort, but streams of tears down my cheeks. This is a love story with a tragic ending. Ambiguous lovers who disguised their affections for each other. Neither party gave a sign of their tender feelings. One day, one fell ill and passed away. This book did not hold what I anticipated from its title. There was no “intimate contact”, rendering it ostensibly incomplete and unfortunate.
Such a story line has been used repeatedly since ancient days. However, it gave me a new perspective on what “intimate contact” means. “Intimate contact” with one’s partner is not restricted to sexual gratification. To put it bluntly, with wherewithal and two rounds at the bar, such gratification is easily available. Intimate contact at the level of the soul is much more precious.
Intimate contact occurs when
… the left hand holds on to her right hand.
… listening quietly to her heartbeat at her chest.
… brushing the hair away from her eyes.
… appreciating the way she is at home, without make-up, donned in rags, hair in disarray.
… having breakfast, made by her hands.
… admiring the way she sleeps.
… being there when she goes to the doctor’s.
… having private jokes that noone else fathoms.
… using phrases that others do not comprehend.
… knowing well that there are many more opportunities for such intimacy. Perhaps, this is what the author meant. Intimacy between partners comes effortlessly and yet, is forgotten quickly. Let’s use our hearts in our experience of intimate contacts. At any stage in a relationship, there are bound to be the “first intimate contact”. The first touch of dentures for mature couples can be deemed as the “first intimate contact”. Enjoy the first, enjoy the touch… most of all, enjoy the intimacy.
- About: Mint treasures intimate contacts with her special one.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: lesbian, gay, relationship, love, glbt, queer,
Permalink
10.26.06
Posted in General, Queer literature, Relationships at 1:40 am by mint
双重标准
讨厌向人家汇报一切的我，
喜欢妳问我今天会做什么。
不悦人家迟到摆臭脸的我，
快乐地期盼着妳缓缓走来。
避免在大热天穿街走巷的我，
跟着妳到燥热的公园喂蚊子。
以往开车时听中文电台的我，
已经转台为了与妳同听一曲。
受不了电影肉麻台词的我，
不介意对妳说同样的词句。
自问我是否失去自己？
自答这是个有妳的我。
没有失去，只有收获。
严厉批判双重标准的我，
为妳写下双重标准的诗
———————————
I dislike reporting my day’s plans to another,
But I like it when you asked how my day was.
A face of displeasure i give to late comers,
But i rejoice in anticipation of your footsteps slow.
I shun the sun when i am on the streets,
But on a bugs-infested, heat-scorching park trip i would follow you.
The Chinese station used to play in my car,
But your channel i have tuned to share a song.
Intolerably mushy lines in movies past,
I am now saying them only to you.
Is my sense of self lost?
This is me with the inclusion of you.
There is no loss, and you are my gain.
A merciless critic of double standards i am,
Now penning a poem of double standards for you.
Translated by Peggy
- About: Mint is writing mushy poems for the first time in her life
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, lesbian relationships, gay relationships, love
Permalink
06.25.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Youth at 6:08 pm by mint
This is written by Mint.
—————————
After a moment of silence… I looked straight into my friend’s eyes with trust and sincerity… and three words came out of my mouth.
I said, “I like girls.
Friend A is from Shanghai. She came to Singapore when she was 13 years of age. After almost 10 years, she is “Singaporified”- speaking in Singlish and eating laksa. However, when I spoke the words above, I was not sure if she could accept it due to her upbringing by her conservative parents.
Thus, before she replied, I said, “ok, you’re allowed to stand 3m away from me next time.”
“No! I will stand closer, ‘cos I know I’m not your type.”
Thanks friend, you really know me well.
A friend once told me that when she came out to her friend, her friend asked, “why didn’t you like me?”
Silly question indeed.
Nonetheless, I came up with a good reply cum rebuke just in case I am faced with the same question:”Hey, you are straight but do you fall for every single man under the sun?!”
Alas, I have yet a chance to showcase my “proudly created rebuke”.
I was in Billy Bombers with Friend B, discussing the juicy topic of who-do-you-like-recently (can’t replace this with “love life”, ’cause we are both single). Our conversation was in Chinese in which the 3rd person pronoun has no gender reference. Along the way, she commented that my crush is “so short in height for a guy”. Then I gave my line…
“I like girls.”
“Why did you tell me only now?”
“Er… are you shocked?”
“No problem, we have seen a lot back in school.”
Friend, I had a crush on you when we were in Secondary 4.
I did not meet Friend C through Fridae nor all girls’ parties. We met through work. However, during our first encounter, I “sensed” that we share the same sexual orientation. Four hours after we first spoke to each other, I gave that line…
“I like girls.”
“When did you know?”
“I knew since I was young.”
For her, she knew it 3 years ago. I wonder what happened, but I didn’t ask.
I was once told “knowing” and “coming out” are two different issues.
“Knowing” is being aware that you had feelings for girls. “Coming out” is accepting this fact after struggles from within. Call me abnormal if you wish, but to me, I never come out, because I didn’t experience struggles from within.
To put it in a nice way, I accepted my orientation gracefully. To put it in a not-so-nice way, I wasn’t bothered with it. Perhaps, for me, “knowing” and “coming out” is integrated. However, it is only this year that I began crawling out of my closet, with the start of a Fridae account.
The night before I went for my first Sayoni gathering, my younger sister asked whether I was sure about turning up.
“What if you become a star next time and the photos of Sayoni gathering with you inside ended up published in tabloids?”
“Me, a star? Zero possibility.”
Well, I understand the concerns my sister had. She felt that my reputation (do I have one?) is at stake in this homophobic society. Turning up for the gathering is a higher degree of confirmation of my orientation as it is a physical appearance, unlike discussing in forums virtually. What if I become a famous figure next time?! Come whatever, I am prepared to take responsibilities for my own actions. Not only on this matter, other aspects of life too
- About: Mint hopes that one day in the future, she can share what her parents said when she gave that line.
- Forum discussion: coming out
- technorati: coming out, lesbian, gay
Permalink
06.08.06
Posted in Chinese, General at 11:21 am by mint
This article is written by Mint.
“路人甲” 因为认识不深。
“路人甲” 因为几天的合作后，就各奔东西。
“路人甲” 因为够神秘。
“路人甲”因为路人甲。
彩排当天，路人甲负责主持开幕典礼上英语的部分。我忙完了我的事情后，便在观众席上坐了下来。路人甲样貌非凡，穿着黑色的背心，前面印着一些很catchy的字。路人甲是搞娱乐的，我能接受路人甲较expressive的穿着。路人甲下台后，我看见背心后面印着一个标记。一个相当眼熟的标记。当天，我没有机会跟路人甲交谈。但是，路人甲已经成为我接下来三天上班的动力了。当天晚上，我查了一查，终于知道那个标记为何如此眼熟，心中起了推测。
开幕典礼前，我终于有机会跟路人甲说话。选了一个有发挥空间的开场白。问路人甲昨天那件那么有个性的背心在哪里买的。“天南地北”走一回后，原来，背心后面印的标记是路人甲与友人开的销售网站的商标。路人甲说那个网站已经不再操作了。但是，我还是要了URL。上网查了一下，看到网站有一张图片，图片上是两个牵手着手的女子，我有信心昨天心中起的推测不会错到哪里去。
第二次跟路人甲说话，是开幕礼后的茶点招待。我用那个商标借题发挥，和路人甲谈开来了。可是，周围太多人，我没有办法进一步确定心中的推测。直到当天下午，我的推测终于获得了肯定。我可以算是蛮直接地问，路人甲没有闪避太多，答了我，还反问我，我一贯坦率。这个话题，就此结束。
晚餐时间，在机缘巧合下，我跟路人甲和另一名工作人员去吃饭。对路人甲有进一步的认识，更重要获晓路人甲没有密友。我想这个关键的资料加速了我对路人甲的喜欢。
当天晚上，我以私人的名义要了路人甲的手机号码。
隔天，我们没有什么机会说话。路人甲忙着台上的主持，唯一的交谈是问路人甲觉得刚才台上的参赛者谁最耀眼。路人甲给了一个答案。我说，台上最耀眼的是拿mic的那位。路人甲说了声谢谢，又匆匆返回台上主持下一段节目。
第三天，也是最后一天，我们没讲到什么话。我知道路人甲当天晚上没其他节目，心中盘算邀路人甲喝咖啡。可是，一切结束的那一刻，路人甲由于买了太多东西，搭友人的顺风车回家。邀喝咖啡的事，我也没说出来。一个很正式的握手道谢后，我忍不住问，我们有机会在见面吗? 路人甲说，你有我的电话。然后，走了。
隔天，我传简讯邀约，可是，没有答复。正面的答复好，负面的答复不好，没有答复是最糟的。三个小时后，我得到负面的答复，我得到安慰奖。
如果迟两天才加入公司，这个活动就不是我负责了。这是缘分吗？如果是，应该是短暂的吧，我知道大势已去。
不能延续缘分，我仍然很庆幸自己能够与路人甲有短暂的相处。一连三天，我们各忙各的。路人甲的声音传遍整个展览厅，虽然看不见路人甲，却听得到。每次出办事处走走时，眼光都忍不住寻找路人的踪影，找到了之后，凝视几秒，然后低下头，嘴角不仅弯了一弯。
如此的微妙。
———————
Translation by onekell.
Fallen for a passerby
A passerby because our acquaintance was not deep.
A passerby because after a few days of working together, we moved on to separate pursuits.
A passerby because there was sufficient mystery.
A passerby because Passerby was a passerby.
On the day of the rehearsal, Passerby was in charge of hosting the English part of the opening ceremony. After I finished with my tasks, I sat down at the audience seating area. Passerby’s appearance was attractive. Passerby was wearing a black tanktop, on whose front were a few catchy words. As Passerby is in the entertainment and leisure industry, I could understand such expressive dressing. After Passerby left the stage, I saw a logo on the back of the tanktop. A rather familiar logo. That day, I did not have the opportunity to speak with Passerby, but Passerby already became my motivation for work over the next three days. That night, I checked and finally realised why the logo had been so familiar and a conjecture arose in my heart.
Before the opening ceremony, I finally had the opportunity to speak with Passerby. I chose an opening gambit. I asked Passerby where that unique tanktop had been bought. After beating around the bush, it turned out, the logo on the back was that of an e-commerce website which Passerby had started with some friends. Passerby said that the website was no longer operating, but I asked for the URL anyway. I went online to check it out and found on the website, an image of two girls holding hands. My confidence in my conjecture from the previous day grew.
The second time I spoke with Passerby, it was after the opening ceremony, at the tea reception. I initiated conversation based on the logo and it started the ball rolling. Unfortunately, there were too many people in the vicinity, I did not have a chance to further confirm my conjecture, until later that afternoon. Although I asked bluntly, Passerby did not evade the question much and answered. Passerby even returned the question and I answered as candidly. The topic, was thus concluded.
At dinner time, due to fateful coincidence, I went with Passerby and another co-worker for a meal. I got to know Passerby better and more importantly, learnt that Passerby had no significant other. I think this crucial piece of information added to my growing attraction.
That night, on personal grounds, I asked for Passerby’s number.
The next day, we did not have the opportunity to speak. Passerby was busy with hosting, the only time we spoke was when I asked Passerby which of the contestants was most eye-catching. Passerby answered. I said, the most eye-catching person on stage is the one holding the mike. Passerby said, thanks, and hurriedly returned to the stage to host the next segment.
On the third and last day, we did not speak. I knew that Passerby did not have any plans for the night and I hoped to invite Passerby for coffee. However, when the day ended, Passerby got a ride home from a friend because Passerby had bought too many things. The invitation to coffee was not voiced. After a formal handshake, I could not help but ask, ‘Will we have an opportunity to meet again?’ Passerby said, ‘You have my number’ and left.
The next day, I sent an sms invitation to Passerby, but did not receive a reply. Whether positive or negative a reply, it would have been better than none. Three hours later, I received a negative reply - my consolation prize.
If I had joined the company two days later, this event would not have been my responsibility. Was it kismet? If so, it was brief and I know that it is largely over.
Unable to prolong our kismet, I still feel grateful to have made Passerby’s brief acquaintance. For three consecutive days, we were both busy. Passerby’s voice could be heard throughout the exhibition hall; although not seen, the voice was heard. Every time I went out of the organizer’s office, my eyes could not help searching for Passerby and upon finding, I would gaze for a few seconds, lower my head and smile.
How wondrous.
tags:
gay,
glbt,
glbt,
lesbian,
queer,
tongzhi,
同志,
同性恋,
女同志,
拉子,
拉拉,
路人甲
- About: Mint enjoys her feelings over her crushes even though there are no outcomes.
- Forum discussion: 女儿国
- technorati: 路人甲, tongzhi, glbt, queer, lesbian, gay, glbt, 同性恋, 同志, 女同志, 拉拉, 拉子
Permalink
