08.23.06
Posted in General, Identity, Minority at 9:07 am by sheilarajamanikam
I have an issue with minority.
I have an issue with token of appreciation.
I am sure that I am appreciated sometimes - if only because I am a token.
In a man’s world, I am the token woman.
In a straight woman’s space, I am the token lesbian.
Now, I am sure all of the above are not unfamiliar to most of you, but wait - there is more.
In a room of lesbians, I am the token leather dyke.
Politically, more often than not, I am the token Indian lesbian carrying the minority of minority placard - alone.
Signs that you are a token:
1. When you are in the group yet not connecting with anyone, made worse by intentional alienation. Imagine everyone else speaking in a different language, one I do not understand even though all of us are fluent in English.
2. When the same people you fight alongside with decide to turn their backs on your issues. Case in point: Lesbian feminists pressed for the right to birth control and abortions in the 60s and 70s, yet received no support for gay and lesbian rights in return.
3. When you are primarily perceived by the characteristics of your race. Because I am Indian, people assume that I must be submissive, meek, sexy, cook well and so on. Other aspects of my personality are either ignored or seen as an anomaly.
What is worse is when some of your own kind choose to assimilate into the majority and live in a fantasy world blind to the struggles you have had to go through.
In a recent forum, the issue of diversity surfaced in a forum when people wondered why no women of colour are being represented. When I asked the other minority women in the room to ask the question, they actually told me that “Oh, but I’d get slapped for it.” and that “I’d be isolated.”, as if expecting some kind of punishment for speaking out of a minority space, even when the majority women claim that we all live in a diverse community and that every woman has a voice. I find this statement problematic because the majority women speak with power of giving the space instead of everyone sharing an equal space.
Does this article make you feel uncomfortable? It should.
It pokes in the minds of minority women, who have chosen to make themselves invisible in order to fit in because it speaks of the silent, gnawing isolation they go through.
It also forces the majority women to reflect upon how they might have been isolating when they speak of diversity, even though they might have an understanding of isolation in other forms eg. homophobia.
One reaction I expect from publishing this is an outcry and a request to educate. I think education is not as important as awareness. It takes the awareness of each other’s minority to bring a greater unity to an already fragmented community.
- About: Sheila
- Forum discussion: Minority
- technorati: glbtq, lesbian, gay, queer, minority, indian, leather,
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05.30.06
Posted in General at 12:28 am by sheilarajamanikam
I brought my mother and brother to the beach yesterday. Nothing special, really, except that my mother joined me on the Sayoni beach outing. Just before that, my girlfriend and I had joined her at Novena church - a place I haven’t stepped into in 15 years.
My mother went on to exchange make-up tips with my love, picked out girly clothes she thinks I ought to wear, and lamented that the child I adopted isn’t here in Singapore yet. She treated my girlfriend and herself to fancy henna artwork in Little India.
My brother, whom I am extremely proud of, is a straight man who treats my girlfriend like a member of the family, offering to buy her durian rolls and escorting her around when I am preoccupied.
I have no qualms about leaving my brother in a room full of women-loving women and trust him to honour and respect them. Neither do I have to worry about my mother, who graciously said yes when a woman asked her to dance when visiting me in the States. This is the woman who has seen me through shaved heads and long curls, binders and D-cup bras. She has met my past girlfriends and always knew which ones are crazy and which ones are good.
Now, she has grown feeble and is not in good health, but she still picks out psychedelic clothes for me with much zest and her voice still resonates when she yells at me for wearing jeans to church.
Before I met my current girlfriend, I went through three years of solitude. My mother actually sat me down, enquired whether I intended to be single for a long time and even told me to get someone - female or not. She did not want me to be all alone.
She has come a long, long way since I first came out sixteen years ago and I am fortunate to have her.
To all mothers, let us not forget their Happy Mother’s Day!
- About: Sheila has been out long before some of us were born, and is lucky to have a supportive family who loves her for who she is
- Forum discussion: Coming Out
- technorati: gay, lesbian, family, mother's day
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02.23.06
Posted in Inter-sexuality, Transsexuality at 9:13 pm by sheilarajamanikam
I am often faced with this question from my girlfriends: Am I straight because I am with you? One was even a medical student.
I am not sure what to answer. I have curves that rival most women but I feel strange saying that I am 100% woman.
I have ovaries, but no womb: so no kids for me. I am not complaining. But how do you explain to girlfriend that you have fleeting feelings about your phantom body parts, cut off before you were even aware of its existence?
“Easier for the doctors to make a hole than to make a pole”. That’s what I was told.
In the Indian culture , someone like me is respected and honored because it is said that, my words, whether curses or blessings, being from someone straddling both genders, will come true. But, that is fear, not understanding.
I am not angry. I am just tired. Tired of being used to all this stuff happening, just because I understand how others don’t understand. I wish people around me could accept both parts of me: in a shaved head, packing, male looking body as well as a sari clad jewellery wearing one.
I am both and neither. Neither here, nor there.
I am not whining. Just hoping that my words will make you think, wonder and try to gain the answers.
- About: Sheila is someone who has been on both sides of the gender fence, and lived to tell the tale to others who hesitate at the border.
- Forum discussion: Minority Groups
- technorati: queer, intersex, transexual
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02.02.06
Posted in General, Identity, Minority at 6:26 pm by sheilarajamanikam
A monthly column by Sheila on being a minority of a minority and thoughts on being politically incorrect.
Many don’t like that I talk about this
Its there, can’t be ignored.
I am a sari wearing, spice eating brown woman. what’s wrong with that!!!!
I have been told I am too angry.
My lover’s mother told her, “Don’t care if you a queer just have a chinese gf!”
Doused in perfume by another whose mother say Indians smell bad.
Another tells me that I have to be a submissive little Indian wife.
Everywhere I hang out, I hang my indianess at the door.
Have you seen a sari-clad chick making out at a bar?
In the faceless internet. I am asked. What race are you?
WELL. I am just racy, in my sari clad chest-busting blouse kind of way.
I am tired of reaching out, tired of looking.
Is there not one woman that can feed me thosai?
- About: Sheila is a quirky intersex Hindu Indian lesbian who happens to love women more than (er) chocolate.
- Forum discussion: Minority
- technorati: lesbian, coming out, queer, minorities, racism, indian
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