07.10.08
Posted in Advice Column, Coming out, Relationships at 3:35 pm by ling
Facing a problem with your life, your sexuality, relationship, family et cetera? Write in to our advice columnist, Ling, with your problem. All emails are confidential and your anonymity will be preserved.
Dear Ling
I’m a married woman in my 30s, with two kids and a wonderful husband. Wonderful as he is, I know I am not in love with him, and never can be… I knew I was a lesbian even before I got married… but my parents were pressuring me to find a husband before my time was up, and so I did. He is a great husband and a father, and I’m fairly fond of him. Our sex life, however, is practically non-existent… every time he tries to initiate sex, I make up an excuse and decline, because every time we do, I feel like crying, and I often do, after he has fallen asleep.
I love my kids, and I want what’s best for them. I don’t want to put them through a divorce, and it is not like my husband is a bad man. But the longer I stay in this relationship, the longer I feel I am lying to myself, and the more depressed I get. I don’t know what to do.
Married Mom
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06.05.08
Posted in Coming out, Politics at 4:42 pm by sayoni
Kanako Otsuji became Japan’s first openly lesbian politician when she was elected to the Osaka Prefectural Assembly in April 2003 at the age of 28 - making her the youngest person ever to be elected to the Assembly.
In 2007, Ms. Otsuji was an official Democratic Party of Japan candidate. She lost the Upper House election with 38,229 votes. If she had won, she would have been Japan’s first openly gay national politician.
Over breakfast, she talked to Sayoni about being an openly gay politician in Japan.
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- technorati: lesbian, gay, japan, kanako otsuji, politics, coming out
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05.08.08
Posted in Coming out, Emotional Health, Identity, LGBT Rights, Relationships at 3:00 pm by jin
Image Copyright of Sayoni
One Sunday I had lunch with my uncle. We get along fairly well and I am out to him, but we are not at the stage where we have copious open free conversations about my relationship status or my partner. Anyhow, during lunch, it was just the two of us because my aunt was out of town. We were having a routine, run-of-the-mill conversation as usual (What are you ordering; how was your trip to Bangkok, how much did you pay for a massage; did you know that iceberg lettuce lowers blood sugar; the car is due for servicing etc)
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- About: Jin believes the big bad homophobic world can be changed one small step at a time
- Forum discussion:
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04.10.08
Posted in Coming out, General, Minority, Queer literature, Religion at 10:40 pm by sayoni
To commemorate our 2nd Anniversary, we go back to our roots and have a heart-to-heart with the author of the book that inspired us - Giti Thadani, author of Sakhiyani.
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03.19.08
Posted in Coming out, LGBT Rights at 5:30 pm by AnJ
“Anj, have you experienced acceptance with respect to your sexuality?”
Before i answer that question, i have to explain what i understand of the term “acceptance”. To me, acceptance is multi-leveled and multi-layered- proximity and depth.
The levels:
1. Society
2. Work Sphere [E.g. Colleagues]
3. Extended Social Sphere [E.g. Acquaintances]
4. Immediate Social Sphere [E.g. Close friends]
5. External Family
6. Immediate Family
The layers, with respect to proximity:
1. Accepting the existence of gay persons in society
2. Accepting the existence of gay persons in one’s interaction circle
3. Accepting the existence of gay persons as friends [genuine respect for the person comes in]
4. Accepting the existence of gay persons as family [e.g. sister's partner is now your sis-in-law]
5. Accepting a gay child
The layers, with respect to depth:
1. Superficial acceptance [Pretending it's fine]
2. Greater acceptance [It's fine but some bits ain't so fine]
3. Complete acceptance Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Anj believes things get better.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: Acceptance, coming out, lesbian, gay
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03.12.08
Posted in Coming out, Queer literature, Writing Contest, Youth at 1:48 pm by Guest Writers
This entry for the Writing Contest of February is written by ebelle
I met her during a school camp. She was my camp leader and I was utterly swept away. She had the most engaging smile and an adorable way of looking like she was stalking when she walked. Almost like a panther in an urban jungle. So confident, so graceful, so attractive.
For the purposes of this story, I shall call her Q.
Q was a student leader. A prefect who was well-liked, played badminton for our school, had straight A’s and was a natural over-achiever in everything she did. She could light up the room with her smile and I was instantly smitten by her amiable nature. Read the rest of this entry »
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03.09.08
Posted in Coming out, General, Queer literature, Writing Contest, Youth at 10:35 am by Guest Writers
This entry for the Writing Contest of February is written by Centaur, and is the winner of this month’s contest. Congratulations centaur! We will be publishing the top 2 entries for the contest.
Over and Over Again.
Sitting apart from you, with my bowl-cut hair and dirty fingernails. I was worlds apart from the immaculate you. You in your prefect outfit and neat pony-tail. There was something strange going on. As you laugh with that high-pitched voice and chatter with childish enthusiasm, I found myself without ground beneath my feet. As though I was being sucked under, into somewhere.
Where?
I don’t know. But this new feeling was both pleasure and pain. No words could label it. I wasn’t even conscious of it. All I knew was that you were incredible, fragile yet beautiful.
But I had no balls to tell you that. Read the rest of this entry »
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02.26.08
Posted in Coming out, General, Psychology & Research at 4:48 pm by AnJ
This article got me laughing at various points. It gives a scientific edge to a phenomenon that was previously confined largely to pop culture.
For starters, the term “gaydar” is generally defined as the ability to identify members of the gay community. It is perceived as innate, not learned. Sentences like “my gaydar sucks” or “she has a fantastic gaydar; she can identify straight-acting gay men!” are often heard. The more normative a correctly identified gay person looks and dresses, the more skilled you are perceived to be. Now to the article… Read the rest of this entry »
- About: Anj hopes to hone her gaydar.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni forum
- technorati: lesbian, gay, gaydar
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12.05.07
Posted in Coming out at 1:42 pm by Guest Writers
Coming out - Step 1: To myself.
Ok, that was the easiest step.
As easy as rain falling from the sky. Didn’t have an umbrella, and even if I had one, I’m not sure I would have pulled it out.
Tomboy from 2 to say.. 17. Two older brothers, a sister who’s 4 years younger. A kid’s got to play, and I didn’t want to be left apart, so I was the goalkeeper of all the improvised football (soccer) games in the backyard. Loved being with boys. Girls annoyed me: I always looked hyper-energetic with girls around, when I could easily blend in with boys - well at least as long as my body didn’t get his feminine bells ringing yet. Boys were fun, athletic, I had a blast being with boys when I was a kid, loved to argue with them, sometimes fight, play, run around, or just sit around reading or doing nothing. Pretty hard to hang out with boys in a Muslim country, when you have 2 older brothers. But well, when I was a kid, I guess they believed it was cool, and innocent. Matter of fact, it was, so everybody was happy about it.
High school, still tomboy-ish. Felt in love with hip-hop, that certainly didn’t help my girly side to come out, but love doesn’t care about what people say, my wardrobe was packed with baggy jeans, Timberland boots, Nike Air Force Ones and hoodies, while my eardrums couldn’t find enough time to listen to all the records I was piling up in my room. Wearing large clothes does help with the entering into the boys club. I was dressed like a boy, almost talked like one, and beside my “BFF”, avoided as much as possible the girls in my class, in the school yard, during gym classes… If I had to pick a gym mate or a physics class mate, it had to be a boy. No boring giggling about boys, no boring never ending talks about make up or clothes, but instead, music, action movies, how girls can be stupid and of course my favorite of all time talks with boys back then: football.
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- About: O'Ren is very ok with her big discovery
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, lgbt, gay, lesbian, queer, coming out, discrimination, acceptance, France, Muslim
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11.21.07
Posted in Coming out, General, Identity at 1:38 am by jin
Just some thoughts on what I did on Mothers’ Day this year.
I normally have lunch every Sunday with my uncle and aunt. Usually it is just the three of us (since my grandfather passed away, my cousin went to study in Sydney and my sister moved to Malaysia). On Mothers’ Day my aunt and her siblings were doing a big family lunch with their mum, and they invited me to join them. My partner was not invited, because I am only out to my aunt and uncle (not to her extended family), and also because they still think it is wrong and they disapprove.
So lunch was at a lovely Thai restaurant and the food was delicious. It was all very “decent” and “civilised”, by which I mean that there was no mention of my partner. But of course how could there have been when the majority of the company do not know about us.
I think that being in the closet is both an active and passive thing. It is like walking a tightrope, a delicate balancing act. It is like sitting on one of those large rubber balls supposed to strengthen your core muscles; your aim may be to remain perfectly still but you are expending lots of energy just to maintain your balance on the bouncy sphere.
That is how I feel when I am with company that I am not out to. I feel as if I am always on guard, holding my breath in case they ask me the dreaded “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”, double-filtering all my words before they come out of my mouth, and other fun varieties of mental Solitaire. Read the rest of this entry »
- About: By Jin
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: glbt, lgbt, queer, lesbian, family, mothers' day, acceptance, discrimination
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