03.12.08
Posted in Coming out, Queer literature, Writing Contest, Youth at 1:48 pm by Guest Writers
This entry for the Writing Contest of February is written by ebelle
I met her during a school camp. She was my camp leader and I was utterly swept away. She had the most engaging smile and an adorable way of looking like she was stalking when she walked. Almost like a panther in an urban jungle. So confident, so graceful, so attractive.
For the purposes of this story, I shall call her Q.
Q was a student leader. A prefect who was well-liked, played badminton for our school, had straight A’s and was a natural over-achiever in everything she did. She could light up the room with her smile and I was instantly smitten by her amiable nature. Read the rest of this entry »
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03.09.08
Posted in Coming out, General, Queer literature, Writing Contest, Youth at 10:35 am by Guest Writers
This entry for the Writing Contest of February is written by Centaur, and is the winner of this month’s contest. Congratulations centaur! We will be publishing the top 2 entries for the contest.
Over and Over Again.
Sitting apart from you, with my bowl-cut hair and dirty fingernails. I was worlds apart from the immaculate you. You in your prefect outfit and neat pony-tail. There was something strange going on. As you laugh with that high-pitched voice and chatter with childish enthusiasm, I found myself without ground beneath my feet. As though I was being sucked under, into somewhere.
Where?
I don’t know. But this new feeling was both pleasure and pain. No words could label it. I wasn’t even conscious of it. All I knew was that you were incredible, fragile yet beautiful.
But I had no balls to tell you that. Read the rest of this entry »
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09.16.07
Posted in General, Support Groups, Youth at 10:18 pm by lublub
Hey Boys and Girls,
Young OUT Here, more affectionately known as yOUTh, is back!
All Fueled Up and Raring to Go, this second run is definitely more exciting, with a larger range of topics and social events you can look forward to!
What is yOUTh about?
Not affiliated with any organisations, yOUTh stands on its own as a gay identity building, affirming and support group, especially for youths, set up by youths!
yOUTh aims to reach out to LGBT teens who want to come together, to not only to learn from each other but also to share their experiences that they go through, building their own social and support network at the same time, in a safe and inclusive environment!
The theme for the second run is EMPOWERMENT. It will focus on skills for you to build on your individuality by discussing relevant topics. We’ve also included a bigger range of themes and a deeper emphasis on your relations with school, family, friends, relationships, the LGBT community and of course, yourselves.
What YOU can look forward to:
• Creative and informal discussions about topics that concern YOU!
• Safe and Inclusive environment
• Listening ears aplenty
• Guest Speakers to shed light on more serious topics and answer your questions!
• Snacks and drinks provided every session
• A great place to meet and make like-minded friends.
• A total of 12 sessions are planned with social outings peppered in between sessions for YOU to mingle and enjoy the company of your new friends!
A Taste of the Topics that will be covered:
• One Foot In, Both Feet OUT - Coming OUT and YOU
• Where We Belong - Our Community and YOU
• Class in Session - School and YOU
• Dearly Beloved - Family and YOU
• Trilogy of Love - Dating, Relationships, Breakups and being Happily Single!
• Bringing SexyBack - Safer Sex and YOU
• You and Only YOU – Healthy Gay Identity and YOU
The second run of yOUTh is slated to start in end Oct 07, spanning about 4 months.
Group Size will be capped at 15.
If you are interested, between the age of 16 to 21, LGBT and want to find out more, do contact us at young.out.here@gmail.com
If you do know of a fellow GLBT youth from this age group, do help to spread the word around!
yOUTH is sponsored by fridae.com and Action for Aids (Singapore)
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03.26.07
Posted in Coming out, Identity, Youth at 2:20 am by sayoni
所有兒童及青少年都應對自己有好感。所有的人 都有價值，也應得到禮待。但當很多身邊的人不 善待他們，或者相信同性戀者有「不妥」之處 時，同性戀青少年很難對自己有好感。很多同性 戀青少年由於恐怕家人不能接受，而感到必須隱 瞞他們是同性戀的事實。
這小冊子是為有子女表態或預備表態(是同性戀 者)的家長及家人而準備的。
如果我相信我的子女對同性人士產生好感，我應怎辦？
要問您自己這個問題，可能需要很大的勇氣。在着手找出答案前，問問 您自己為什麼您想知道，這是至關重要的。如果您的子女是同性戀者， 這對您來說意味着什麼？為什麼您認為現在應採取一些行動？您的動機 是什麼？
問問您自己：與子女談論性的問題，您感到自在嗎？如果您有興趣與您 子女談論性的問題，而且感到自在，您認為他或她也已準備好與您談 嗎？如果您子女確認是同性戀者，您會做些什麼？
請記住，您選擇的行動或反應可能對他們有某種意思。例如，如果您似 乎可以接受新的觀念，您的子女可能覺得您較易接近。另一方面，如果 您子女感到他或她的忠誠態度會受到懲罰，他們可能會選擇不向您，而 是向別人傾訴。
我子女試圖告訴我有關她/他的性傾向，但我就是不知道如何處理這次對話。 我應做些什麼？
子女試圖向您透露他們的性傾向，很可能意味着您對他們很重要，也意 味着他們在這種情況下，希望得到您的支持，所以您的反應很可能對您 的子女有很重大的影響。
最重要的是您要尊重您子女向您傾訴的決定。所以，讓他或她多發言。 您很可能對您子女或您自己有很多問題，嘗試對他們的觀點有更深刻的 了解。請記住，您的子女仍然是同一個人；您的子女沒有改變，變的是 您對他們的認識。
當您心中存在很多相反的情緒和想法時，要同意您子女的性傾向可能需 要一個長的過程。不能期望您能立即了解所有的事物。
我是否做錯了什麼嗎？
很多家長最初發現他們子女對同性有好感時，便會問自己這個問題。這 個問題其實有兩部份。首先，作為同性戀者是「不妥」或「違反自然」 的。其次，是您對子女的教養「導至」他們成為同性戀者。
很多人覺得同性間愛情的概念違反自然或不妥。有意識的道德判斷或文 化及宗教的教誨，令有些人有這樣的感覺。有些人則是因為他們只有甚 少關於同性間好感的訊息，而且我們收到的訊息往往是負面或不正確 的。
幸而，不安的感覺隨着理解及認識的加深而有所改變。
對子女的性傾向有內疚感或認為應負某些責任的不只您一個人。很多家 長集中於找尋他們子女性傾向的「成因」，因為他們認為這是有問題 的。對於很多父母，要找出性傾向的成因確實非常困難，而且令人更為 迷惑，因為現在並沒有同性戀或異性戀的正式認定成因。
有些家長處理這些感覺的一個方法，是集中探討他們為何和如何認為他 們子女的性傾向是一個問題。他們經常發現文化價值觀、社會對同性戀 人士的歧視、傳媒所塑造的負面形象、宗教信仰，以及對此課題缺乏認 識，很大程度令他們感到意料之外的不安。
別人會怎樣想？我應如何面對家人及朋友？
首先，問問自己為何會如此恐懼或介懷。您的子女在這方面或可給您一 些支持，因為她或他大約也曾經歷過類似您目前的情緒問題。
告訴別人有關您子女性傾向所期待的反應可能很難承受。您是否很介懷 別人有怎樣的想法？對於很多家長，要告訴別人是很困難和需要很大的 勇氣，即使他們本身已接受子女的性傾向，有些人的反應可能是正面， 但有些卻可能是負面的。
當您考慮告訴別人時，重要的是您應知道您對您要告訴的對象，以及如 何透露與透露的適當時機有一定的控制。您也可與子女談談他們自在的 程度，同時也訂出策略，畢竟他們幾乎要不斷思忖這些問題。有些家長 發現與其他同性戀兒童的家長分享他們的故事，及聆聽對方的故事對事 情有裨益。
我希望抱孫，我的同性戀子女會有小孩嗎？
很多同性伴侶有子女。話雖如此，現今要不要子女已較大程度是由於個 人選擇，而不太由於義務的因素，不管他們的性傾向是什麼。
如果您的子女選擇不生小孩，由於不能傳宗接代的原因，您可能會感到 憤怒或失望。這問題令很多同性戀人士同樣感到困擾，因為他們恐怕會 令父母或家人失望。您的子女選擇不生小孩會影響到您，雖然他們很可 能不是特地要做出傷害您的決定。
我子女會不會因為同性戀而感染到愛滋病？
不會。愛滋病是由一種稱為「人體免疫病毒」(HIV)所感染，HIV能感 染不同性傾向及背景的男女。HIV由一個受感染的人通過體液傳染給別 人。是否受感染在於他們的行為，而非性傾向。
同性戀人士是否較異性戀人士濫交？
對性關係的一般觀點在各種文化背景間有很大的差異。您可能成長於一 個人們通常和第一或第二位發生關係對象結婚的時代和地方。現時在北 美，情形不太一樣。北美洲很多移民及非移民家長，現正為他們子女或 較開明社會的文化價值觀差異而感到同樣的焦慮。
雖則如此，性活動只不過是同性戀人士生活的一部份。我們永遠應顧及 一個人生活的各方面–例如人格、家庭關係、專業或學術成就，以及愛 情關係。整體來說，認為同性戀者較異性戀者濫交是不正確的。
同性戀人士有沒有富有意義的關係？他們能真心相愛嗎?
是。您可能擔憂您子女將會孤獨或寂寞，這可能是因為公眾只看到很少 同性伴侶的典範。其實，很多人與同性伴侶建立富有意義及充實的關 係。愛情關係與伴侶的性別關係不大，這一點已得到廣泛的認同。
父母的愛及支持對維繫任何關係都是非常重要的，同時社區及社會也應 給予支持。如果一對伴侶不能很安心地表達互相的愛慕，或者要不斷「 隱瞞」，這樣會令他們更難維繫一段堅固的關係。因此，家庭聚會邀請 您同性戀子女及其伴侶出席，對他們可能是重要的確認。
在一些国家里例如加拿大，您的同性戀子女可以與另一同性人士合法結婚。
我的子女或家庭會不會受到歧視？
同性戀人士及其家庭常常經歷對他們的憎惡及恐懼。這種 憎惡加上恐懼形成所謂的「同性戀憎惡」(“homophobia”)。
同性戀憎惡有多種形式，從貶低同性戀者身份的笑話，以至拒絕醫院探 訪權利及更嚴重的身體騷擾。有些家長及同性戀人士對應付歧視感到無 助。但了解到同性戀憎惡事件可以是一種挑戰，可能令人感到鼓舞。很 多家長於同性戀憎惡事情出現時發出挑戰，以表示對其同性戀子女的支持。
The English version for ‘Parents and Family Members of Gay and Lesbian Youth’ coming up next…
tags:
combating homophobia,
coming out,
discrimination,
friends,
gay,
glbt,
lesbian,
lgbt,
parents,
pflag,
queer,
school board,
vancouver,
youth
- About: Sayoni is a member of the ILGA and this is a publication from the Vancouver community.
- Forum discussion: Sayoni Forum
- technorati: youth, glbt, lgbt, queer, lesbian, gay, coming out, pflag, parents, friends, vancouver, school board, combating homophobia, discrimination
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10.21.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Identity, Youth at 6:00 pm by lublub
The GLBT community in Singapore is not exactly the most conducive environment for a questioning teen. Heck, it wasn’t a conducive environment either for the teen who is already out and proud. When I first discovered PPC, I imagined it to be like a community centre, complete with basketball court and GLBT teens just chilling about. No kidding. I thought I could even find a proper youth group there to mingle with and have fellowship. Imagine my shock when I finally saw the real thing.
Going to the PPC at its old location was a nightmare. I have never felt so scared walking around in Singapore before. Tucked away in a maze of shophouses, you had to navigate in between confusing roads and rows of shophouses. Pass by many prostitutes and goodness knows who else, as you attempt to make your way to the place. I’ve been to PPC more than 6 times. And each time I go there, I walk by a different way because I keep forgetting how to navigate to the right spot. 6 times of trial and error. Going home after Women’s Nite is an even bigger nightmare. It becomes all dark and scary outside. But of course, this was the best place that the management could find, and for the fact that it(PPC) existed, I was more than grateful already. Besides, I learned to have more guts and courage just by going there.
Furthermore, if you exclude the gay-affirming religious organisations, sports and charity organisations, gay culture in Singapore seems mostly comprised of clubbing, clubbing and more clubbing. And what’s worse is that you rarely meet youths like yourself in the non-clubbing aspects of gay culture. It is mostly adults. For youths who are just timidly aware and recognising their own sexuality, without any gay friends their age, that can be a very demoralising fact to digest. You will be left wondering, where are all the teens who are like me? Having said that, there are no proper avenues for a gay youth to find peer support. By peer support, I mean someone your age and generation, whom you can talk to.
Also, some youths might be intimidated by adults, because they are older and older strangers have a greater capacity to do bad things to you, as compared to an unknown youth your age. And for many youths, the only adults that they know are teachers, relatives, their parents and their parent’s friends. Not many of us have that opportunity to know another adult as a friend. This is because the working world and the schooling world rarely collide, if at all. (In fact, some of my friends are mildly surprised that I have 30 to 40 year old friends whom I’ve met on my own and not through parents etc.) Thus, the fact that the gay community ’seems’ comprised of alot of older people, might scare off other youths who just want to meet others like themselves - young and gay. After all, who better to relate to the feelings of a youth than another youth? We all seek people whom we can identify with after all. It’s human nature.
Besides PPC and the GLBT library, there were very few avenues and resources from which a GLBT youth could seek affirmation from besides the impersonal Internet. As a queer youth, I wanted so much to bond with others like me (in real life not virtual reality). To share my life and hear the stories of other teens. To finally find friends who really, really understood what it’s like to be me. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that I desperately needed to seek out other GLBT youths when I discovered that I was one too. And I was so disheartened to find that it was exceedingly difficult to meet other youths in person, especially so if you aren’t really that Internet-savvy and want something more than online friendships and forums.
I yearned for what I read about on the Internet. Gay-straight alliances, GLBT groups on university campuses. I wanted something alive and real. An actual, physical place which I could go to and have friends who are queer like me. Maybe something just like school you know?
Acknowledging my sexuality and going to PPC to meet other GLBT taught me one important life lesson. And that is: If you want something, don’t wait for it to fall down from the sky onto your lap. Do something about it, because your life and what you make of it is all in your hands. I can’t hang around and wait patiently, hoping that some kind soul would someday set up a place for GLBT youths to come together. By the time that happens, I’ll probably be too old to be considered ‘youth’. For all you know, it might not even happen…
Then one fine day, I realised that another gay friend of mine wanted something similar too. And then it dawned upon us that if the two of us want it, maybe there are others out there like us too. Other GLBT youths who wanted a space for themselves. A place where they can put into words, feelings that are deemed immoral and wrong in society. A place where they can speak without fear of being judged, condemned or harrased. A place to be themselves.
And so we decided to create such a place. Without experience or relevant skills. Just lots and lots of passion and ideas. It’s probably the biggest project of my life thus far, and nothing like what they make us do in school. If it works, it’ll be a dream come true for us. But for now, it’s a serious work in progress… and when the time comes, I shall share more about it.
But for now, watch this space.
- About: Lublub is a lone teenager, sitting in front of the computer in her own room. Getting connected online to hundreds of other GLBT people, all alone as well and sitting in front of the computer in their own rooms. All waiting for that one chance when they can see someone, anyone, face to face, and turn what is virtual into reality.
- Disclaimer: I know what I write here may not apply to all youths, in the sense that there might be some youths who didn't find themselves helpless despite lack of proper resources and physical avenues of support. But I believe that what I say is representative of a very real segment of this GLBT community. A segment which most of us 'out and proud' denizens do not see. But this segment of teens are seen only by their counsellors and teachers. Their loneliness and isolation in the closet is achingly real. And for this reason, I write this piece for them. (Or for the lurkers in the forum who might be feeling the same way.) Because it is these teens who need our help and support most of all...
- technorati: youth, coming out, peer support, GLBT teens
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10.19.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Identity, Youth at 3:27 pm by lublub
Don’t you just love to travel?
When you travel, you are exploring a totally different kind of environment. One that is so foreign and fascinating compared to staid old Singapore.
But do you know what it’s like to travel inside yourself?
When I finally discovered that I wasn’t straight, it was as though somebody suddenly flicked a switch in my brain. Awareness came flooding in. All the little signs in the past, all those hints to self that I denied. I was discovering the real me for the first time. Before realising our sexuality, many of us would try to suppress thoughts of same-sex attraction whenever they inevitably came out. This time, I let my mind wander and explore freely. Everything seemed to make sense now.
But then again, there were also alot of things that didn’t make sense to me… and I thought, “Okay, so I’m gay. Now what?“
It is hard to be surrounded by your own friends and feel achingly distant from them. As though you never really knew them. That was true in way, you could never understand the girls’ boy-craziness. Even though you might understand a guy’s attraction to girls (like bees to honey), it is still different. Somehow. From that attraction to girls you feel. And to make things worse… I didn’t have any gay friends in school.
And hell, it sucks to be gay by yourself.
Like I said, when you finally come out to yourself, alot of bottled and pent-up feelings are finally released within you. And when that happens, there is a need to verbalise what you are feeling. Sure you say, I could do that to the straight friends I’m out to. But no matter how hard they try to emphatise, they could never reach that level of understanding that another gay person will have… for the very fact that they aren’t one. And don’t you wish once in a while, that people understood you? All of us yearn for and need friendships that aren’t casual or fair weather in its nature. But when you’re a homosexual and are going through all that emotional turmoil that accompanies realisation and self-acceptance, all the more you need that someone special to listen to you. You needed someone who cared, and genuinely understood.
But more importantly, you needed validation and assurance that you are not alone. That somebody has already gone through what you’ve gone through. And that this emotional turmoil is just a common phase. You needed someone to identify with. But when you’re a minority… how are you going to find others like yourself?
I don’t know how the wise ladies in this forum could have survived in the ’80s and ’90s, when the Internet wasn’t as available as now. Because for me, I would be at a complete loss as to how to find others like me if I didn’t have the Internet. I couldn’t exactly go around asking, ‘Eh, you gay not? Want to be my friend?’
From the Internet, I discovered that the only safe place for me to meet other GLBT was the Pelangi Pride Center. But I was really apprenhensive about going to the PPC because 1) I will be meeting complete total strangers 2) I don’t know how to get there on my own 3) I will be forced to step out of my comfort zone of familiar school and family, and into that big unknown adult world.
But I went anyway. And this was because I had finally come to a point in my life whereby, f-ck this, I better find some gay people to talk to or else I am going to die. Seriously. That was how isolated I felt in a heterosexual environment.
The Pelangi Pride Centre (a GLBT library) was a god send.
Wait, let me repeat that again. The PPC was a god-send!!! It was a glimmer of hope on my tiny computer screen, which blossomed into an experience so real and so affirming. There were people like me. And they were all so normal. It was nothing like what they show of gay culture on TV. Of drag queens and effiminate men which spoke with a high-pitched lisp and had broken wrists. The lesbian community was more diverse than I thought. It wasn’t just all butch-y girls and their femme girlfriends. There were literally ALL KINDS OF WOMEN. And I’m glad to say that most don’t fall into a label that I could neatly pigeon-hole them into. In fact, I used to think that all lesbians were young women. (How ignorant right?), and that it was just a phase that you grew out of. When I saw more of the lesbian community (through Women’s Nite, a social gathering for queer women), that old stereotype of mine was completely blown to bits. Yes. You can possibly be a lesbian for life. It has happened to others.
I met many wonderful people at PPC. I even met a straight volunteer librarian who impressed me for the fact that she, although straight, could emphatise with the marginalisation of GLBT. But there was one thing that bothered me about the gay community in Singapore. And this is just my personal point of view…
- About: Lublub is a lone teenager, sitting in front of the computer in her own room. Getting connected online to hundreds of other GLBT people, all alone as well and sitting in front of the computer in their own rooms. All waiting for that one chance when they can see someone, anyone, face to face, and turn what is virtual into reality.
- Forum discussion: Coming out
- technorati: gay youth, GLTBT, queer, coming out, identity, peer support, lesbian,
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08.28.06
Posted in General, Singapore Gay News, Youth at 7:15 pm by sayoni
Queer Singaporean youth launch a portal for themselves.
A group of young queer Singaporeans have come together to start a youth portal establishing itself as a resource for their peers.
Led by 20-year-old polytechnic graduate Azimin Saini, the group comprises 9 youths with different racial backgrounds and sexual orientations.
“There really are no resources to deal with gay youth in Singapore, even till today.” He said. “And we’re often the ones who are crying out for help and need it most.”
The website can be seen at www.plume.sg
The name PLUME stands for People Like You and Me, an amalgamation of the acronym, PLU (People Like Us), which has incidentally become widely used to describe gay people in Singapore, and Senior Minister Goh’s widely quoted phrase that gay people are just like “you and me”.
The logo centers on a youth’s sense of individuality with the circle ringed around ME in PLUME. It also means ‘feather’; the jagged wings symbolise the act of taking flight – to discover the unlimited potential as young people and to be free from the mental constraints society imposes based on sexual and/or gender identity.
“In our conservative society and in most circles, the word ‘queer’ is considered a taboo that is left unspoken. Many pretend that we, as young queer Singaporeans don’t exist and shrug it off”, said 19-year-old Cher Tan, an Editor on PLUME.
Many others feel that they are, too, being ignored.
“Coming out was difficult. I grappled my way around and it was really lonely. I see all these well-adjusted gay adults – but what about us? Have they forgotten what it was like?” asked 20-year-old NS-man, Victor Raj.
A simple survey of 26 youths ranging from the ages of 18 to 21 across the gender and sexual orientation spectrum revealed that all 26 felt there were not enough resources to deal with being young and queer. While it was not meant to be a comprehensive study, the sampling was indicative of the general sentiment among this segment of the population.
PLUME hopes to be a platform for LGBT youth to express themselves through writing, foster the growth of an LGBT youth community in Singapore, and in doing so, provide support and resources for queer youth. Operating like a publication, it will publish articles and reader-submitted stories
“We’re hoping that this project will help in any small ways it can”, said Jasper Chen, another Editor on the team. “And hopefully, it will ease the pain young gay individuals face at that tough period of time.”
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07.29.06
Posted in Coming out, General, Youth at 9:57 am by sayoni
Pridemonth is upon us, once again… and though most of us cannot have pride parades in our home country, that does not mean we cannot celebrate Pride. We don’t need pride marches to come out to the world: we can start at home, to our loved ones and friends.
This is a collection of stories on coming out - good and bad, happy and sad, that have been published on Sayoni since we started. [In chronological order]
Coming out Earnestly
by lublub
Girls are beautiful creatures.
I have always thought so. The seniors at school were really pretty. So were the models in magazines and the teenage starlets on TV. I loved looking at their pictures, and I would spend countless hours on the computer looking at my pretty celebrity crushes. And at school, I would look at my seniors with a certain longing. My eyes followed their every beautiful and breathtaking movement. Sometimes, I looked at my own friends too with that same desire.
Read more…
Activism with a band on
by jin
I’ve been wearing a rainbow-coloured rubber wristband. You know, those wristbands that come in various colours, first it was a yellow one from the Lance Armstrong Foundation, then there was the dual black/white for anti-racism, and before long, even Giordano and McDonalds were selling them too. I’m not one for fads, so I’ve never owned or bought one in any of the myriad of colours they come in. Except this Rainbow one.
Read more…
Where do I go from here?
by jin
So today at 5pm I’m supposed to go meet up with my aunt’s ex-gay friend. (How did this happen?)
Yes! I finally came out to my uncle and aunt. This was two Thursdays ago (every time we have dinner at their house it seems to be a Thursday). After dinner, we were still loitering around the dinner table, and I said to my uncle “I have something to tell you, I am gay.”
Read more…
3 words, 3 friends, 3 aspects
by mint
After a moment of silence… I looked straight into my friend’s eyes with trust and sincerity… and three words came out of my mouth.
I said, “I like girls.
Friend A is from Shanghai. She came to Singapore when she was 13 years of age. After almost 10 years, she is “Singaporified”- speaking in Singlish and eating laksa. However, when I spoke the words above, I was not sure if she could accept it due to her upbringing by her conservative parents.
Read more…
Internalised Homophobia
by imperfectlyme
I’m dreadful when it comes to remembering people’s names, especially Chinese ones. But I have a better memory for the conversations which I have, especially if the conversation is memorable because it is witty, engaging, enlightening or even downright annoying.
One conversation which has stayed in my mind is the one I had with a another lesbian when I was first coming out, and she eventually became a good friend. She was sharing her experiences about living as a lesbian in Malaysia with me and during that conversation she mentioned,
“Gay people can be very homophobic because of their internalised homophobia.”
Read more…
Coming out, the most powerful form of activism
by Amajor_resonance
I was sitting outside the lecture theatre, having a short break with a friend after a particularly draining and exhausting lecture.
She is someone I knew since my junior college days, when she was in the same CCA as me. We were never close friends, but somehow a strange streak of fate brought us together again, when we ended up in the same faculty in university, and happened to take one same course for that particular semester.
It started off as an innocent conversation, but it did not last that way.
Read more… Part 2
For you, my first love
by ilashes
I was what, nine? You would have been hardly older. You were the new girl, the kid who transferred from another school. The maroon skirt had not itself accustomed itself to you. You were tugging on the white shirt, tucked in as per regulations. You looked up, with a brilliant smile on your face.
Read more…
In the closet no more
by Imperfectlyme
Today is the first day of me reading your blog. I feel somewhat connected to it, as though it were the story of my life, past, present and future. Everyday I wake up and I am faced with the prospect of living in a close minded society. I live in Malaysia and it being a Muslim country, there are a lot of restrictions and people are narrow minded when it comes to GLBT right. Our mere presence in this society is a burden to them for they see us as parasites, leeches. We bring shame to the community.
Read more…
- Forum discussion: Coming out
- technorati: gay, queer, lesbian, coming out, activism, singapore, malaysia, asian, youth
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07.14.06
Posted in Coming out, Youth at 10:06 am by Guest Writers
This is a piece of guestwriting by ilashes.
I was what, nine? You would have been hardly older. You were the new girl, the kid who transferred from another school. The maroon skirt had not itself accustomed itself to you. You were tugging on the white shirt, tucked in as per regulations. You looked up, with a brilliant smile on your face.
I would never forget that smile. Even after all these years, that smile remains the one thing I remember the most about you. You never frowned, you never got angry or sad. Always happy, always smiling.
I took you by your hand, showed you around the school. I was so eager to befriend you, knowing how lost you were in this strange world. I treasured every moment with you.
It was the giddy scent of your skin, the wonderfully smooth porcelain complexion. It was every word I had with you. It was your rosy cheeks, your bright, beautiful eyes.
One day, I found myself writing a letter to you, expressing how much I valued our relationship. I do not know what possessed me to write it. But I wanted to do something special, give you something indicative of how much you meant to me.
I put down my pen, and stared at the letter, written in blood-red ink. I did not know why I was writing this… I did not know why I felt like this… I could not have known, not at the tender age of nine. The words on the paper stared back at me - I crumpled it up and tossed it into the dustbin.
Maybe you sensed it – maybe you realized all wasn’t right with the way I adored you. Maybe our paths simply diverged. Maybe I distanced myself from you, confused I was by my feelings.
A few days later, you passed me by, with nary a glance in my direction. Watching you walk past with another girl… that was just too much. Poison dripped from my tongue, surprising my acquaintance with my antagonism towards you. Her questioning glance made me look away, half-guiltily. How could I explain why I was hurt? I didn’t even understand it myself.
I understand fully, now, of course. Every emotion, every childish crushing feeling. I only understood that anger after I fell in love again, with another girl, forcing me to face myself after years of denial.
I still remember your face, you know. I’ve forgotten the faces of every other playmate I’ve had at that age. But I remember every single thing about you, down to the distinctive scent of your skin.
It doesn’t matter you were never mine. But I thank you, my first love, for opening my eyes to this world. Thank you for making me realize who I am.
- About: ilashes is a big mushball.
- Forum discussion: Youth
- technorati: queer, lesbian, coming out, youth
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06.30.06
Posted in Coming out, Identity, Youth at 1:41 pm by Irene Oh
As I explained many things to her, I debunked a lot of myths and stereotypes about the LGBT community along the way. To me, coming out is much more than telling people that I am gay. It also means an obligation on my part to educate people around me, to pave the way for better understanding of the LGBT community in society. Furthermore, the most important significance is to let people whom I care for, to understand me for who I am.
I complained to my friend that there is still a lot of negative social stigma associated with gays and lesbians. She replied, “Actually the situation now is considered good. If you told people that you are gay, like 10 or 20 years ago, people would just immediately conclude that you have AIDS.”
It is so true, and it dawned upon me how far we have come and how much our brave predecessors have achieved. Suddenly I felt so blessed being able to acknowledge to myself that I am gay, and tell people that I am gay without fearing persecution. However, the future journey is arduous, and far from complete. It is really up to us, to take more steps forward.
I am beginning to see that the most powerful form of activism is actually coming out. It is more powerful than gay pride parades, blogs, talks and forums, petitions and any other form of activism. It changes people’s misconceptions and mindsets fundamentally, because they know me as a real person, and I am exactly the same person before and after they found out that I am gay. Nothing has changed, and being gay is only a part of my overall identity. My sexual orientation is not a fashion statement which I feel compelled to wear on my sleeve, but rather a part of myself which I prefer not to hide consciously, if the circumstances permit.
Only when queer people are not merely names in the afternoon/ evening tabloids, but family and friends of every one of us in the society, then we can remove the negative social stigma. I can see it happening right beside me. I have friends who used to have negative perceptions of homosexual people but they are becoming more open-minded and accepting. I have guy friends who know that lesbians are not just butches and femmes and understand that lesbians are not waiting for the right men. I have lady friends who have no qualm about joking with me that they will love to marry me despite being well-aware of my sexual orientation. I love the way how it manifests to become a deep-rooted understanding, instead of superficial acceptance while sweeping everything under the carpet in denial.
I feel stronger and less vulnerable every time I come out to another person, and I do hope that I will be strong enough one day to take the step in my family. I will be invincible once I achieve that.
- About: Amajor_resonance believes that as long as we hold on together, we will not walk alone in the dark.
- Forum discussion: Coming out
- technorati: Identity, Coming out, Lesbian, Activism
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